And Now, Please Stand for the First-Inning Stretch

Good seasons or bad, big games or boring ones, San Francisco Giant broadcaster Hank Greenwald has always left his audiences laughing.

But now, he’s about to leave them crying. For more. Greenwald plans to retire after this season. Tom FitzGerald has collected some of the best Greenwald lines for the San Francisco Chronicle.

Like the time Greenwald opened his pregame show by saying, “Hello, everybody, and welcome to Three Rivers Stadium, where tonight. . . .”

When he was done, Greenwald was informed by his director that he had run long. The segment would have to be redone, shaving off a few seconds.

“Hello, everybody,” said an obliging Greenwald, “and welcome to Two Rivers Stadium. . . .”

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Add Greenwald: When former Dodger shortstop Jose Offerman, infamous for his errors, hit a foul ball caught by Dodger Manager Tommy Lasorda’s daughter, Laura, Greenwald commented, “It made me wonder. If the situation had been reversed, would Offerman have caught it?”

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Trivia time: The Miami Dolphins have gone longer without a 1,000-yard rusher than any other NFL team. Who was the Dolphins’ last 1,000-yard man?

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Carl who? It didn’t take long after the Olympics for the American public to forget about track and field.

A week after the Games ended, ABC’s Wide World of Sports showed highlights of a meet from Monaco that featured several gold medalists and drew a 1.4 rating.

During the Olympics, NBC averaged ratings of 20 or better on nights when track and field was shown.

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Ouch: In an era when smoking has become a hot topic on the political front, Pittsburgh Pirate manager Jim Leyland has left a bad taste in the mouth of at least one reader of Pittsburgh magazine by appearing on the cover smoking a cigar.

“It is dismaying. . . . Rather than managing others, however successfully,” wrote Ronald Bentley of Mount Lebanon, Pa., “he should learn better to manage his own life.”

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Trivia answer: Delvin Williams rushed for 1,258 yards in 1978.

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And finally: New Miami Coach Jimmy Johnson, never known for his tact, was discussing with Bob Glauber of Newsday three star defensive players no longer with the Dolphins. Cornerback Troy Vincent, linebacker Bryan Cox and defensive end Marco Coleman were all let go because of financial considerations.

“When I got here, we were $5 million over the cap, and I had to just sit and twiddle my thumbs while people took those players,” Johnson said. “I would have liked to keep all those guys. Unfortunately, they were the hardest working players on a team that didn’t have a lot of them.”