Time for Ducks to Take Things Seriously

With absolutely no feel for tradition, ceremony or time-honored ritual, the Mighty Ducks held a home opener Wednesday night and forgot to have their mascot belly-flop onto a center-ice Bunson burner and test, for the benefit of 17,174 eyewitnesses at the Pond of Anaheim, the amazing flame-repellent qualities of its many-feathered suit.

No, this year, Disney and the Ducks didn’t light the fire, intent on keeping their most famous uniformed figure--Wild Wing--far from harm’s way.

This year, in a surprisingly subtle and restrained pregame show, the Ducks simply had thugs in Kings, Blackhawks and Flyers jerseys rappel down ropes hanging from the rafters and pretend to beat a frightened huddle of pint-sized Mighty Duck fans with hockey sticks before Wild Wing could be summoned, via guy wire, to the ice to save the day, restore order and plug a new Saturday morning cartoon, “Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series.”

Good, wholesome family fare, one might think, but once the final villain had been smitten, the mighty Disney performing troupe was jeered and hooted off the ice.

Could it be that, in Year Four, Mighty Duck supporters are finally ready for some hockey?

Serious hockey, to borrow a two-word marketing slogan from up the freeway that is strictly forbidden to be uttered inside the corridors of the Pond?

Actually, Duck management has protested too much in response to the uptown Kings’ promotional campaign. The Kings claiming to play “serious hockey” does not necessarily imply the Ducks play goofball hockey (although that charge has been made elsewhere), but that didn’t prevent the Ducks from interpreting it that way.

If the Kings plan to outdraw the Ice Dogs this season, really, what else can they do?

What other motto can they possibly put on billboards and T-shirts without getting hauled in by the truth police?

“No Gretzky No Hrudey No Granato No One You’ve Ever Heard Of Hockey”?

“Phoenix Roadrunners Impersonating A Real NHL Team Hockey”?

The Ducks have their own slogan for the 1996-97 season, “Pushing The Limit,” which may or may not refer to “D3,” the second Mighty Duck movie sequel. But more than that, the Ducks have players, big-time players, serious players.

Teemu Selanne.

Jari Kurri.

Paul Kariya.

OK, make it two out of three, if you must insist on the present tense.

Wednesday night, the Ducks blew a 3-1 lead and lost to the Philadelphia Flyers, 4-3, in their sixth game of the new season, all six played without Kariya.

Kariya, a 50-goal scorer last season, is out with a worrisome condition known as “osteitis pubis”--an inflamed abdominal muscle at the pubic joint. Or, in lay terms, a nagging injury taken to ridiculous terms.

Kariya first suffered the injury at the end of last season and initially thought it might slow him down during the summer.

Then, it might keep him out of the World Cup.

Then, it might interrupt his training camp.

Then, it might force him to sit out the Ducks’ first trip.

It has done all that and more. While the Ducks were opening their fourth NHL season in Anaheim, Kariya was staying with his parents in Vancouver, working out with a support staff that includes a personal trainer and an abdominal specialist.

Officially, the Ducks have listed Kariya’s medical status as “day-to-day,” as they have done for many, many days. Who knows when he’ll actually be back. Best guesses Wednesday were anywhere between seven and 14 days.

In the meantime, the Ducks have games to play and, ideally, win. So far that has happened once. The Ducks went 1-2-2 on their first trip and have begun their first home stand 0-1. Waiting for Kariya gets more frustrating, and costly, by the day to day.

Pat Conacher, a former King center who now works in the Ducks’ broadcast booth, remembers another local team in a similar predicament--the 1992-93 Kings, who had to play the first three months without Wayne Gretzky.

Those Kings wound up playing Montreal for the Stanley Cup.

“The big thing we did,” Conacher remembers, “is having [Coach] Barry Melrose hold a team meeting, sit us all down and say, ‘OK, this is the team. These are our 20. We’re not going to have Wayne with us the whole season. It’s all on your shoulders now.’

“Barry told us it was time for people to step forward. ‘No time for excuses. Wayne’s not coming back. The cavalry’s not coming. If Wayne does make it back, it’ll be a huge bonus. But this is the team we have.’ ”

At that point, Conacher said, “Everyone in the room looked at each other and thought, ‘OK, that’s it.’ That got us in the mind-set right away. Our other centers--Corey Millen, Jari Kurri and Mike Donnelly--stepped up and the rest of us pluggers filled in the best we could.”

What about these Ducks?

“No one’s going to replace Paul Kariya,” Conacher said. “No one can step up and do what he does. But you can make up that extra goal a game you’re not going to get by playing better team defense.”

Seriously, now, the Ducks had better get started.