Forming a Lifelong Bond

Four years ago, on her first day as a volunteer member of Big Sisters of Los Angeles, Rebecca Haro Kuo, 28, was introduced to her “Little Sister,” 13-year-old Alex.

Alex was not exactly what she expected.

“Thirteen going on 30,” Kuo recalls. Alex struck her as maybe a little too much woman and not enough girl. “She wanted to go to some underground clubs. That night.”

Kuo instead took Alex to her Westwood apartment and showed her pictures from her large family and her book collection. “I never saw so many books in my life,” Alex said.

Thus began another relationship in the Big Sisters program, which has about 350 “matches” of young women ages 6 to 18. Unlike Big Brothers, which targets boys without fathers or father figures, Big Sisters’ mission is broader, aimed at any girl in need of more guidance, attention, friendship or love.

Today, Alex, 17, who lives at her mother’s home in Pomona, is taking two night classes at Mt. San Antonio College in Walnut. She’ll soon graduate from high school, and is planning on becoming an oceanographer.

Kuo is now married with a young child. While she and Alex don’t see each other as often as they did when they first met, their bonding is an example of what Big Sisters tries to instill.

The nonprofit program is one of the few Big Sister programs that does not affiliate with the better-known Big Brothers.

“We want to stay independent because once the groups are combined, they seem to focus more on the boys,” said Janet Schulman, executive director of Big Sisters of Los Angeles. “There is a perception that boys are far more at risk than girls. So girls get ignored in terms of the needs.”

This weekend, Big Sisters of Los Angeles is holding two large fund-raisers. Friday at the House of Blues, the organization’s Latina Advisory Council hosted a concert featuring legendary conga player Poncho Sanchez.

On Sunday, part of the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica will be closed and turned into a haunted house to host a Halloween party from 4 to 9 p.m. Actress Carrie Fisher will be honored for her community work, several magicians will perform, and an alley behind the promenade will be turned into a haunted forest. Tickets are $200 for adults and $50 for children.

The organization has a $1-million annual budget, most of it donated by corporations and individuals. City and county funds account for about 8% of the yearly budget, which includes a 24-hour hotline, family counseling services and child abuse prevention programs.

Potential Big Sisters go through a screening process, including several interviews. (A police record does not necessarily ban someone from becoming a Big Sister.) Big Sisters must be 21 and live in Los Angeles County.

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Kuo recalls that when she first met Alex, “she was a big flirt. Her concept of relationships was way off. She would be kissing one guy one day, and, the next day, she’d see a cute boy and start kissing him. She had a lot of friends.”

“I never knew that having too many friends could be a problem,” said Alex. “It’s in my genes.”

Lately, she has tamed those genes. For the last three years she has had one boyfriend.

“I think I’ve had some influence on her, but mainly it was just things she wanted and I kept cheering her on,” Kuo said.

Their “match” will end when Alex turns 18, as required by the program’s rules, but the relationship is likely to continue. At Kuo’s wedding two years ago, Alex was the only member of the wedding party who was not a member of the family.

“I don’t consider me her ‘Big Sister’ and her my ‘Little Sister.’ We’re just sisters,” Kuo said.

Far across town, on a teeming Koreatown street, a recently formed “match” is seated on the stoop of an old apartment building.

Valarie De La Garza, 28, tells how, several months ago, she meet Elizabeth, 13, by fate.

“I was helping out [a friend] at a Big Sisters event and someone asked me if I could squeeze one more child into my car for a ride home,” said De La Garza. That one more kid was Elizabeth.

“On the ride home she told me, ‘I want to be somebody. I don’t want to be a mess-up and get pregnant. But I’m lonely.’ That made me so sad.”

That night, De La Garza told her husband, himself a Big Brother, that she wanted to become a Big Sister. For two hours, her husband tried to talk her out of it, testing whether she was truly committed. She held firm.

When De La Garza called Elizabeth with the news, the young girl was elated.

“I screamed,” she said. “I turned to my mom and said ‘Somebody picked me. Somebody picked me. I got a Big Sister.’ ”