Memo From Plymouth

The following was excerpted from government archives recently discovered by a historian:

Minutes of the Community Council

APRIL MEETING

The issue of the boat people living at the harbor was raised. It was suggested that from a humanitarian standpoint, we should consider an assistance program, inasmuch as these people are essentially homeless and a lot of them died from exposure and malnutrition during the winter.

In opposition it was stated that:

* These people are here illegally, and if we help them it will just encourage more to come.

* If they can’t help themselves, what good are they to the community?

* They haven’t even tried to learn our language or customs, and their religion is cultish.

* We work hard for what we have; we should not be forced to share it with ne’er-do-wells.

In support it was stated that:

* Women and children are starving. We cannot in good conscience let this happen.

* As part of our basic value system, we should be good to these people even if they are strange.

* What possible harm could come from helping these people?

It was moved, seconded and passed by a majority that we would provide agricultural assistance to these people and subsidize their fishing industry. This act contains a sunset provision. If these people cannot become self-sufficient in one year, then the heck with them.

JULY MEETING

It was reported by the agriculture assistance committee that the homeless people at the harbor have managed to plant corn and are salting their fish. Some have learned enough of our language to converse with our people, although among themselves they persist in their odd jabber and weird customs.

OCTOBER MEETING

It was reported by the agriculture assistance committee that the homeless people have harvested a successful crop. Not only that, they have invited us to a dinner party to celebrate.

It was moved, seconded and passed that we teach these people how to hunt turkeys so we don’t have to eat vegetarian.

Let’s give thanks for that suggestion.