Baseball in Anaheim Becomes a Dog’s Life

Downey’s California:

Due to the tremendous success of the motion picture “101 Dalmations,” the Disney company has decided to rename its baseball team the Dalmations of Anaheim, this reporter has learned.

“The spotted uniforms will be fabulous!” a Disney spokesperson said.

Promotional tie-ins will include a new mascot, Pongo, who will chase Marge Schott’s dog when interleague play begins; 101 Dalmation cheerleaders atop the dugout, all dressed in dots with curly tails, and, of course, frequent appearances by Cruella DeVil, who previously owned the Los Angeles Rams.

Of utmost concern to the former Angels seem to be:

--Those big, floppy-ear caps.

--The seventh-inning scratch.

--And announcers being forced to yell after every home run, “There goes a Dalmation Dinger.”

“We should have kept Chili Davis,” the Disney source said. “Chili and dogs go together.

“Hudler too. He could have been Rex the Wonder Dalmation.”

In a move to shake things up, Disney changed the name of the team to the Anaheim Angels, at least until it could think up something funnier.

What this did was force the Angels to change their monogram from “CA” to “AA,” which should make them resemble a team of recovering alcoholics.

The good news is, the Angels are making moves.

First, they hired a new manager, who had just been fired by somebody else. Nice catch.

Next, they traded their first baseman, even though they don’t have a second first baseman. Forecast for tomorrow: No Snow.

They did get a new left-handed pitcher, now giving the Angels every left-handed pitcher in the game of baseball.

Best of all, the Angels are about to get a big stash of cash from baseball’s new contract, and just in the nick of time, before they had to stand on street corners carrying a cardboard sign: WILL PLAY BASEBALL FOR FOOD.

All in all, it has been a happy off-season for the Angels, who always do better in the off-season than they do in the on-season.

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--The city of Chicago now has Albert Belle, Bryan Cox, Bob Probert and Dennis Rodman, all at the same time? Man, I bet Chicago Hope stops being a hospital and turns into a sanitarium.

--Chicago hasn’t had this many clowns since Bozo went off the air.

--The Florida Panthers, 16-4-6? That brings me to today’s trivia question: Name three Florida Panthers.

--For New Year’s Day, NBC is probably trying to set up Notre Dame vs. Notre Dame in the Notre Dame Bowl.

--Inviting Notre Dame to a Copper Bowl is like inviting Meryl Streep to be a guest on Ricki Lake’s show.

--I can’t wait for baseball to begin interleague play. Like most of us, I’ve always dreamed of seeing a Twin-Marlin game.

--Dan Quayle, the former vice president, once protested the subject matter of the “Murphy Brown” TV program. Hey, Dan! If you really want to complain about something bad on Monday night TV, demand that the Atlanta Falcons never be on it again.

--The New Orleans Saints are so bad, they couldn’t beat Evander Holyfield.

--My boss wants me to cover World Cup soccer, but I have no interest in becoming a war correspondent.

--Costa Rica can laugh now, but we could kick their butt in Olympic basketball.

--I am picking the Phoenix Suns to win more than two games this season, but hey, that’s just me.

--Houston without Hakeem Olajuwon, and San Antonio without David Robinson and Orlando without Penny Hardaway . . . ah, yes, the NBA! I temporarily don’t love this game.

--Together, Olajuwon and Charles Barkley give the Rockets a player with a heart problem and a player with a head problem.