A city with a lot of bounce:In...

A city with a lot of bounce:

In its “L.A. to Z” issue, Los Angeles Magazine estimates that, since 1992, Southern California women have paid for more than 30 tons of breast implants.

HE’S NEEDED IN CASE THE IMPLANTS AREN’T ENOUGH: Sheldon Roth of Sherman Oaks, who took today’s photo at a swap meet, says it answers the question: “Where exactly does Cupid shop?”

L.A., THE PACE-SETTER: The idea of legalizing gay marriages has caused a lot of debate--except at one local car insurance firm. Mike Baker of Canoga Park points out that the company’s fliers already recognize the concept.

ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS ASK A COMMUTER: An institute at Texas A&M; no doubt spent a lot of grant money to find out that, surprise, L.A. is the most gridlocked city in the nation.

The institute says that the average L.A. driver loses 65 hours a year in traffic jams.

Washington D.C. (No. 2), San Francisco-Oakland (3), Miami (4) and San Bernardino-Riverside (8) were among the runners-up. Perhaps crawlers-up would be more accurate.

TRAFFIC JAMS FOR FUN AND PROFIT: Our problem with the above study is the assumption that Angelenos fail to make use of the time spent in gridlock.

Actually, this region’s ingenious commuters indulge in all types of activities on the roadways, be it chatting on the cellular phone, shaving or applying makeup (or both), doing exercises recommended by the book, “Commuter Calisthenics,” or advertising one’s availability in the Freeway Singles Club.

In addition, we’ve received other sightings of motorists who were:

* Playing a flute with both hands while apparently steering with the knees (on Pacific Coast Highway).

* Chatting with a dummy in the passenger’s seat (San Diego Freeway). The driver either was a ventriloquist or he was rehearsing for the diamond lane.

* Playing a trumpet--”you could see him puffing his cheeks out” (Ventura Freeway).

* Standing alongside a stalled auto, practicing the old golf swing (San Diego Freeway).

* Balancing a parrot on the steering wheel (Ventura Freeway).

* Typing away on a computer laptop that was perched on the steering wheel “while glancing now and again at the flip-up screen” (Temple Avenue, Long Beach)

A LITTLE FREEWAY MUSIC, PLEASE: And then there was the driver who was pulled over on the San Diego Freeway because a CHP officer had seen him put an object in his mouth. The officer thought he was using drugs--until noticing a booklet that said “How to Play a Kazoo” on the front seat.

miscelLAny:

Interested in buying a used fire station? Two semi-hot properties go on the auction block today at 1 p.m. in the L.A. City Council chamber. They are former Fire House No. 56 on Rowena Avenue in Silver Lake (estimated value: $170,000) and former Fire House No. 29 on Western Avenue in L.A. ($270,000). The two-story station on Western, built in 1912, has a bonus for fire-house fans: It still has its poles.