New G-Rated Disney Pirates Back in Action Tomorrow

More calories, less lechery and a new finale.

The public will get its first glimpse of Disneyland’s revamped Pirates of the Caribbean attraction tomorrow when it reopens following a couple months of rehab.

And although the Walt Disney Co.’s top creative executives are standing by their decision to recast lusty pirates as hungry swashbucklers, they admit to feeling a little dismayed by all the fuss surrounding the changes.

“It’s kind of shocking to me that for some people this whole show is hinged on a fat pirate holding up some woman’s panties,” said Marty Sklar, vice chairman of Walt Disney Imagineering, the creative division that designs the theme park’s attractions.

“It is part of the tradition of Walt Disney to keep changing things that don’t work. For us to be hoisted up the flagpole because we’re doing the same thing Walt did every day is shocking,” he said.

Purists were outraged earlier this year when Disney revealed that in addition to overhauling the audio and operating systems of the 30-year-old classic, it would do some creative tinkering as well.

Critics denounced as “politically correct” the Imagineers’ decision to tone down the rape and pillage overtones of the famous “chase” scene to depict pirates pursuing a good lunch instead of terrified village maidens. Comedians, columnists and pundits had a field day ribbing Disney for its kinder, gentler swashbucklers.

Despite Disney’s protestations that the whole affair has been blown out of proportion, the controversy has piqued the public’s interest in returning to see the venerable attraction.

Internet bulletin boards have been kinetic with anticipation of tomorrow’s opening. Both the Disneyland Hotel and the neighboring Disneyland Pacific Hotel are sold out tomorrow and Saturday night.

“Everybody is going to come and take a look at it,” said Al Lutz, a longtime Disneyland fan and author of an online guide to the park. “Which just proves that there’s no such thing as bad publicity.”

Viewers of the revamped Pirates of the Caribbean will find that much of the hokey “turntable” technology that gave the chase scene the look of a spinning record has been replaced with more sophisticated audio-animatronics.

Pirates will now be seen chasing chickens, cooks and a few wenches--but only for the lassies’ trays of food. And the pirate ogling the pair of ladies bloomers? From now on he’ll be toting a turkey leg.

New to the scene are an audio-animatronic horse and goat that conspire to devour the lunch of a bumbling pirate, as well as bullet-riddled wine casks that will spew their contents with the help of some Disney magic.

“There is going to be twice as much action in the scene and some great new special effects,” said Tony Baxter, senior vice president of Walt Disney Imagineering. “Guests will have to see it four or five times to catch everything.”

In addition, the Imagineers have tried to craft a logical finale to an attraction that ends rather abruptly. Park veterans may recall that the traditional finale shows drunken pirates shooting at each other in a hold full of gunpowder. The ride ends without patrons knowing the outcome of the boozy shootout.

Now the Imagineers have added one final scene that depicts two clumsy brigands straining to hoist their stolen booty out of the treasure cave, surrounded by the skeletons of their failed predecessors.

Is Disney suggesting that crime really does pay? Or are the redesigners warning that divine retribution awaits wrongdoers like those nasty pirates?

The Imagineers politely suggest that their only message is for patrons to sit back, relax and enjoy a good yarn.

“This is about entertainment, it’s not about realism,” Sklar said. “It’s a story based on myths and legends. That’s all it is.”

Still, Baxter acknowledged that modern sensitivities played a part in putting the kibosh to all the lechery.

“You wouldn’t stage “Showboat” the way you would 30 years ago either,” said Baxter of the 1927 Broadway epic that deals with interracial romance and America’s painful slave legacy. “Things have to be adjusted to play to the period and the sensibility of those viewing it.”