A Californian’s Redemption Value

Californians emigrating to the state of Washington still aren’t being welcomed with hugs and kisses, evidently. An ex-Angeleno, living in the Northwest, asked Ross Noll to relay a joke making the rounds up there.

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattleite are in a bar. The Texan throws a bottle of tequila into the air and shoots it with a pistol. He explains that Texas has plenty of tequila.

The Californian throws a bottle of wine into the air and shoots it with a pistol. He explains that California has plenty of wine.

The Seattleite throws a bottle of beer into the air, shoots the Californian and catches the beer bottle.

“We have plenty of Californians,” the Seattleite explains. “But I have to recycle the bottle.”

AN MTA PLOT? Bob Taber spotted a bumper sticker that mentions a project that could be even more arduous than the current subway construction in the Southland (see photo). At least, with the bridge, the agency wouldn’t have to worry about residents and merchants complaining about the noise.

SUBWAY SOLUTION? Speaking of the MTA, with all its problems, I think it’s about time for the agency to visit Arnold the Mentalist in Northridge (see photo).

MORE MILLENNIAL MUSINGS: Some additional suggestions for naming the years 2001-2010, the decade that will follow the Nineties:

* “The Oh-Ohs” (Phil Proctor).

* “The OOps” (Cecil Miller).

* “The O-Zone” (Clark Marshall).

* “The Soaring ‘20s” (Barb Grans).

* “The Duos” (Richard Rosenberg).

And, finally, considering the “crazy things” that are likely to happen in the “0” years, Bob Dunagan proposes, “The Oughtities.”

L.A. DISASTER-BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH-CLUB SELECTION: A tiny clue to the plot of Robert Moore Williams’ 1961 novel can be gleaned from the title:

“The Day They H-Bombed Los Angeles.”

Talk about the “OOps” decade.

L.A., as you can imagine, is a mess after the blast. There are SigAlerts galore. Not to mention zombies and “tiger women” who have suddenly appeared.

Who did the bombing? That Cold War enemy, the Russians? An FBI agent says it was actually the U.S. government, trying to destroy a “menace” that has pervaded L.A. that is so dangerous and “so insidious that it can hardly be detected.”

It’s “a protein molecule gone mad,” which apparently came ashore after atom bomb tests in the Pacific. Brought by a surfer? You’ll have to read to find out.

This novel, by the way, was a futuristic work--set in 1970.

A DISASTROUS IDEA: It’s disheartening to report that my L.A. disaster book club has not had the impact of Oprah’s Book Club, the TV personality’s project that has turned several novels into bestsellers. No such luck for the books highlighted here, such as “The Great Los Angeles Blizzard” by Thom Racina or “They Thirst” by Robert McCammon (“vampires descend upon the canyons of Los Angeles”). You’d think they would be a hit in Seattle, anyway.

TELL IT TO ARNOLD THE MENTALIST: Mona Archer says tenants of a bank building in Torrance were given this not-very-reassuring memo: “Please be advised that the building’s #1 elevator is nonoperational until further notice. A faulty circuit board is on order and will be installed upon receipt.”

Obviously, no operational circuit boards were available.

miscelLAny

The Downtown News asked readers to decide what private sector has the most control over the Civic Center. One reader answered, “Panhandlers. They have the best real estate and they make more money than me!”