Time to Make a Commitment to Something Else

Glenn Dickey in the San Francisco Chronicle after the Oakland Raiders lost to the Miami Dolphins, 34-16, on Sunday:

“The Raiders are not only losing, they’re dull. Because they make their biggest plays when they don’t mean anything, there’s no drama, no excitement. Watching them is painful.”

Advice to Dickey: Don’t watch them. Stay home and read a good book.

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for rushing touchdowns in a career?

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Shame on you: New York Giant Coach Jim Fassel is experimenting with a cordless headset. That means his son, Mike, 16, who had been holding the cord for him on the sideline, is out of a job for now.

Said Fassel: “His mother is mad at me.”

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Slow motion: Carolina Hurricane forward Keith Primeau after scoring a goal on a weak wrist shot that eluded Calgary Flame goalie Rick Tabaracci: “It seemed like it was second-class mail.”

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Makes sense: The late Casey Stengel, on taking catcher Hobie Landrith with the No. 1 pick in the New York Mets’ expansion draft:

“If you don’t get a catcher, you’re going to get a lot of passed balls.”

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Concerned mom: Detroit Red Wing goalie Chris Osgood took a shot to the mask during a recent game and needed stitches. So he went to the trainer’s room, and the phone rang. It was his mother.

Said Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune: “She was watching on television and wanted to know how her little boy was.”

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Naughty, naughty: Steve Aschburner in the Star Tribune of Minneapolis: “Detroit Coach Doug Collins and the players are starting to point fingers at each other for the Pistons’ struggles.

“During a recent timeout, man-child Brian Williams [the former Clipper] slammed a water bottle to the floor in disgust and splashed everyone--players, coaches, fans--in the immediate vicinity.”

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Mr. Nasty: Vancouver’s Blue Edwards, comparing the New York Knicks’ Charles Oakley to the notorious Bill Laimbeer:

“The dirtiest player in the league. He’ll try to hit you in the face whenever he can, but he’ll hit you anywhere. He punched me in the stomach once. He’s worse than [Dennis] Rodman. Rodman is all show. But I have to give Oakley credit. He helps his team, no question.”

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FYI: Defenseman Michel Petit, the former King, joined a record 10th NHL team when he recently signed with Phoenix.

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Looking back: On this day in 1971, Willie Ellison of the Rams set what was then an NFL record with 247 yards rushing in a 45-28 victory over the New Orleans Saints.

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Trivia answer: Marcus Allen of the Kansas City Chiefs, with 121 and counting.

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And finally: Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News, on Tim Green, a former Atlanta Falcon defensive lineman who now is a pro football commentator for Fox:

“Green and his own voice are the greatest love affair to come out of Atlanta since Rhett and Scarlet.”