Laugh Lines

* “The FBI says that one reason crime is down 10% is that baby boomers are getting older,” says J.C. Arroyo. “Makes sense. It’s hard to pull a stocking over your face when you’re wearing bifocals.”

* If you didn’t make it to the Bee Gees one-night-only concert in Vegas last Friday night, you could still catch in on pay-per-view TV on New Year’s Eve. “Pay per view?” asks Mark Wheeler. “How much are they going to pay me?”

“Queen Elizabeth reopened Windsor Castle after a five-year, $63-million renovation that was finished six months ahead of schedule and $5 million under budget. Paramount has asked her to produce ‘Titanic II.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.