LAUGH LINES

* “Using DNA samples, the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife discovered that much of what is sold as expensive beluga caviar is actually cheap fish eggs from Montana,” says Bob Mills. “A full-scale investigation was launched when agents discovered McDonald’s was using the same brand in its Caviar McNuggets.”

* “President Clinton has dispatched two aircraft carriers, six B-52s and six stealth fighter bombers to the Persian Gulf. Saddam Hussein finally got the hint. He just sent a $500,000 check to the DNC.” (Argus Hamilton)

* “Big news in the toy industry. Mattel is gonna remake Barbie, change her body for the ‘90s, make her with smaller breasts,” says Jay Leno. “I guess the new designers think this one should be able to stand up.”

*

SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.