Exerciser Extraordinaire

It helps to keep in mind that Joe Rogan was a stand-up comedian before he became handyman Joe on NBC’s “NewsRadio.”

“So, Joe. I hear you exercise all the time,” I said to the actor during a phone interview. “That right?”

“No. Not at all. I don’t know why they told you that.” He sounded straight-faced. I didn’t make any sound at all.

“Yeah, yeah, I work out a lot. I belong to three gyms. Sometimes I want to work out at 4 in the morning at home, so I’ve also got a full gym set up at my house and I swim in the pool. I’m kind of a fanatic.”

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Question: You had me going there, Joe.

Answer: Oh, I do a bunch of different things. I lift weights three or four times a week. I kick box and do jujitsu three times a week. I started doing martial arts when I was 6. My parents tried to figure out a way to keep me from tearing apart the furniture.

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Q: Were you a terror?

A: I guess I was. And it’s pretty much the same reason why I work out now--I’m kind of a nice guy trapped in the body of a violent criminal. I just try to get it out of my system that way.

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Q: Are you hyper?

A: Oh, yeah, to put it mildly. I get antsy really quick and I get angry at things really quick, too, and I don’t like to, so I work out and that way I’m so mellow. Nothing bothers me, you know? If I can’t work out for a couple of weeks, I’m like a Jekyll and Hyde. I’m a different person.

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Q: This is good that you’re getting all of that out of your system.

A: I really have found a direct correlation between exercise and getting rid of my temper. I think every place of work should have a room with a punching bag set up because there’s nothing better than that, you know. If I just punch the [expletive] out of a punching bag and kick it and everything, once I do that, then I just deal with things so much better.

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Q: What about your weight? Do you have to watch it?

A: I never gain. But I eat like a pig. Every now and then I’ll eat Ring-Dings or something stupid, but most of the time I eat fairly healthy. I used to eat just two or three times a day. I was wearing myself out, and a nutritionist suggested that I eat smaller meals throughout the day because of the amount of exercise that I do, so now I eat four or five times a day.

Breakfast--four or five egg whites, oatmeal, a protein shake and some fruit. I drink two or three protein shakes a day, and I eat a lot of fruit--tangerines, oranges, bananas. Throughout the day, I eat a lot of chicken, fish and red meat with potatoes. And I drink a lot of water.

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Q: Do you drink coffee?

A: I try not to drink it at work. I get a little too hyper and then I crash at the end of the day. You know, good coffee is great if you’re doing something boring. It can make sharpening pencils seem exciting--”Ooooh, this is good”--so I try not to get artificially excited.

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Q: Do you carry water around with you?

A: I keep a water bottle in my car. I don’t want to look stupid so I hide it. I don’t want to be one of those freaks looking like a gerbil . . . sucking on a water bottle.

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Q: Sometimes I wonder if those folks are just trying to look cool.

A: That’s part of it, and people want to pretend that they’re healthier than they are.

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Q: Do you ever go out of your way not to look cool?

A: No. I go out of my way to annoy people I don’t like.

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Q: You’re an old 30, you know that?

A: I’ve jammed in a lot of life experience, you know? L.A. years are like reverse dog years. People who are 29 in L.A. years should still be in the eighth grade. I mean, 90% of the people that you’re talking to are actors and most actors are freaks with big holes in their souls. I would never say I don’t like actors because that’s a generalization, but most of the actors I run into are always trying to pitch me something--who they are or what they’re trying to get me to buy about them.

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Q: What are you like at Hollywood parties?

A: I always feel like I’ve got to be on my toes and ready with an excuse to break out of a conversation and walk away. And the next person that tries to talk to me about the difference between New York and L.A., I’m gonna tackle. I’m gonna beat you with an empty tin can. “Oh, man, I totally miss New York. New York’s so much cooler. L.A. sucks.” What are you talking about? It’s not where you live. It’s who’s there.

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Guest Workout runs Mondays in Health.