A Gift Buyer Misses the Beat

When he purchased a children’s book in West L.A., reports Dan Fink, the clerk asked him his name. He told her and asked why. She seemed to respond that it was because “the rapper” would be calling out his name.

“The what?”’ Fink asked incredulously. He couldn’t help feeling that rap music would be out of place in the quiet bookstore.

“The wrapper,” she explained, “will wrap your gift and call you when it’s ready.”

AGE DISCRIMINATION? Fink also sent in a snapshot of a sign that warned: “Graying & Balding Clients Only” (see photo--not the columnist’s mugshot). Who would issue such a warning? Why, a Santa Monica company named Graying & Balding Inc., of course. It produces videos and commercials.

One problem with the catchy name, a spokeswoman said, is that “we have a problem with stolen signage.”

THIS MEANS YOU, MIKE DITKA! While visiting England, Brant Carey snapped a picture of a sign that seemed to say that football coaches were personae non grata (see photo). Actually it was directed toward buses carrying soccer fans.

GIVE THE GUY A BREAK: You couldn’t blame L.A. Mayor Richard Riordan if he identified with Rodney (“I Don’t Get No Respect”) Dangerfield. The health authorities’ temporary closure of Riordan’s Original Pantry (new slogan: “Never Willingly Closed”) was the latest indignity to befall His Honor.

Newsweek magazine, you may recall, omitted his name from an article on the top 25 mayors in the nation several months ago. Then, in August, Time magazine referred to him as Robert Riordan. And, finally, when he appeared on TV’s “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno, Riordan was identified as the “mayor of New York” by the host. I didn’t realize Leno could be so vicious.

THEY WERE OUT OF NEAPOLITAN, TOO: “Being cooking-impaired,” said Toni Mattis of Sunland, “I called a bakery the day before Thanksgiving to order pies for the family gathering. I asked, ‘Do you have apple, cherry and pumpkin pies?’ A harried employee said, ‘We don’t carry that flavor.’ ”

A CAMPAIGN TO END ROAD RAGE COLUMN ITEMS: I’m trying, honest. One reader said the never-ending debate here was going to cause him to commit a column rage attack.

The problem is, I’m still hearing theories about the Malibu trucker who cut off another motorist, then made a hand sign with his index and little fingers outstretched.

I’ve been told it was a nasty Italian gesture, a friendly Hawaiian gesture, a Texas Longhorns’ fan’s gesture, a Satanist gesture and a surfer’s hang-loose gesture. I hereby close the discussion, unless I hear from the trucker himself, that devil. Or surfer. Or whatever.

ANGELENOS ON THE MOVE: This has the sound of an urban folk tale but publicist David Kramer of Beverly Hills swears that it happened to some actors appearing in a production of “Bye Bye Birdie.”

On their way to a date in Louisville, they argued about how to pronounce the name of the city--Loo-a-vil, Luh-vuhl or Looie-vil. Finally arriving, they stopped at a fast-food stand and asked the counter clerk how she pronounced the name of the place.

“You mean you don’t know how to say it?” she asked.

“That’s right,” said one. “We’re having an argument over the proper pronunciation.”

“OK,” she responded, eyeing them strangely. “It’s BUR-ger King.”

miscelLAny:

You know Southern California is still the capital of the car culture, when you read that admission to the new Getty Center is free but parking is $5 per vehicle.