My Favorite Weekend

Comedian Robert Schimmel.

Planning Ahead: On Thursdays, I look at the “My Favorite Weekend” column and see what the featured person is doing for the weekend. If they say they like to go to Malibu, then I rob their house while they’re gone.

Doing the Delis: If I’m performing at the Comedy Store, I like to get something to eat afterward at Canter’s or Jerry’s Famous Deli. If I’m in the mood to see guys with pierced nipples ordering potato knishes, it’s Canter’s. If I want to be recognized or see other comedians, it’s Jerry’s.

The Great Meat Debate: My mother made me fall off the vegetarian wagon in Montreal and start eating meat again. She ordered me a porterhouse steak and I thought she was crazy. But it was the best thing I had tasted in 12 years. It didn’t take much longer for me to get to Pink’s on La Brea and then Fatburger.

Zoo Capers: I like taking my 6-year-old, Alayah, to the zoo. The funniest thing is we saw a bald eagle in a cage with a sign that read “American Bald Eagle: the symbol of freedom.” I also saw people talking in Spanish to the elephants. How do they expect the elephants to understand Spanish?

Going Fishing: The Sushi House on Pico and Bundy is great. They have the best spicy tuna hand rolls; they use an ice cream scooper. Tommy Tangs on Melrose is also good. If I want straight seafood, I go to Ocean Star downtown, where they have shrimp the size of a Rottweiler.