Laugh Lines

Promise Keepers rallying in Washington drew an estimated 700,000 men. “Or, as the National Park Service estimated, 27.” (Cutler Daily Scoop)

“The Promise Keepers believe that the husband should make the important decisions in the family,” says Jay Leno. “I was gonna go last weekend, but my wife said no.”

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“Touched by an Angel” star Della Reese is demanding a raise from CBS. “Apparently, she’s been touched by an agent.” (Premiere Morning Sickness)

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The 30th anniversary remembrance of the Summer of Love is set for today at San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. “Just look for the parking lot full of Volvo station wagons painted up to look like VW buses.” (Mark Wheeler)

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Kevin Garnett signed with the Minnesota Timber Wolves for $125 million, says Argus Hamilton. “He said it’s not about the money, it’s about the game he loves to play. He would still be out there playing if they only gave him $120 million.”

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“Al Gore didn’t have to phone rich donors from the White House,” Stan Kaplan points out. “They were all in the Lincoln bedroom.”

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“A train in Japan broke the world speed record of 280 mph. This breaks the unofficial record of 275 mph set by an Amtrak train. Of course, the Amtrak train was clocked while plummeting off a cliff, so it doesn’t really count.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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“The Chicago City Council held a hearing in an effort to clear Mrs. O’Leary’s cow of starting the Great Chicago Fire of 1871,” says the Daily Scoop. “New evidence has come to light. Mrs. O’Leary’s pig finally squealed.”

“The cow was cleared. Apparently, Johnnie Cochran insisted it was either napping or chipping golf balls in the backyard when the fire started.” (Premiere)

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“There is a new TV series, a Hollywood version of ‘Fame,’ ” says Jenny Church. “Each episode lasts for 15 minutes.”

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American Airlines was forced to cancel its inaugural flight to Venezuela because it forgot to get formal approval. “Passengers were booked on other airlines and arrived later in the day, except those put on Continental who landed in Van Nuys.” (Bill Williams)

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“St. Louis is suing the NFL for having to pay a $29-million fee to get the Rams. Local officials wanted to charge breach of contract,” Alan Ray explains. “They had sought a professional football team.”

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Reader Cherie Amadeo was talking on the phone with her 2 1/2-year-old grandson, Joe, who informed her, “Did you know there’s a scary big potato that comes down out of the sky and can suck you right up?” A query to his mom revealed that a substitute child-care worker at his day care had allowed him to watch “Twister” with the big boys that afternoon.