* The NBA has hired its first...

* The NBA has hired its first female referees. “They will have to get used to swearing, abusive language and rude conduct,” says Paul Ecker. “And that’s just from Jack Nicholson.”

* “Some say hiring women refs is a crime. I guess they’ve never watched Shaquille O’Neal shoot a free throw.” (Ecker)

* “Store owners say there are two Halloween costumes running neck and neck as most popular,” says Jay Leno. “If you want to scare your kids, get the scary face from ‘Scream.’ If you want to scare the adults, dress up as Alan Greenspan.”

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