Punch Lines


In Like Flynt: “Porno publisher Larry Flynt plans to surrender to authorities in Cincinnati on charges his store illegally sold sex videos. Flynt is ready. He’s handcuffed, bound, gagged and hoping the police intend to torture a confession out of him.” (Jerry Perisho)

‘Baywatch’-ing: The producers of “Baywatch” announced that this year the final episode of the show will be interactive for viewers. “Then again, for men, ‘Baywatch’ is always interactive.” (Conan O’Brien)

Good Will Whining: Minnie Driver recently went ballistic when the in-flight version of “Good Will Hunting” didn’t list her name in the credits. “The airline apologized and reissued the film with her credit reading: Whiney Driver. (The Daily Scoop)


Diplomatically Speaking: “UC Irvine is offering lecture notes free of charge over the Internet. Now, you can get a diploma without ever having to attend class, a privilege formerly reserved for athletes.” (Gary Easley)

Koko in the Know-Know: “About 8,000 America Online members logged on to talk with Koko. The gorilla knows about a dozen responses, and that’s at least 10 more than the average chat room visitor.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

I Cannot Tell a Lie: “Jerry Springer has high TV ratings because every episode features jilted women having cat fights. You can tell their stories are made up. The first thing they do is to deny ever being alone with the president.” (Argus Hamilton)



Craig Kilborn on the reported breakup of Jim Cameron and Linda Hamilton: “Witnesses say Cameron was a demanding ‘Titanic’ director and claim he spent several hours a day just yelling at the ice.”

David Letterman on Paula Jones: “I’m thinking if Paula Jones gets to attend the White House correspondents dinner, shouldn’t President Clinton be allowed to attend her waitress-training breakfast at Denny’s?”

Conan O’Brien on Hillary Rodham Clinton: “Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton testified before Kenneth Starr for the sixth time. And reportedly this time, she broke down and admitted having a sexual relationship with President Clinton.”

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