Inflating the Definition of a Crime

You think you have problems. The crime log in the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise reports that a resident called police “because someone was blowing up a plastic pool--loudly.”

*

BUT WHERE WILL THEY PARK? “On Wednesday the L.A. City Council proposed spending $729.4 million to repair the city’s sidewalks,” wrote Robert Anderson of West L.A. “Finally! Los Angelenos will have a smooth place on which to drive!”

*

DOESN’T SEEM FAIR: Jack Hallin of Monterey Park found a stretch of highway in Long Beach where the speed limit is “Radar Enforced” (see photo). Only, like radar, the speed limit is invisible.

*

HAS IT COME TO THIS? A while back, this column published a photo of a pawnshop sign that said, “Please Take Mask Off and Unload the Gun Before Entering (Thank You for Not Smoking).” Well, Arani Oshita found an even more sarcastic notice in the Pacoima area (see photo).

*

PAT ROBERTSON MEETS CAPTAIN KIDD? Glendale-based KKLA (99.5-FM and 1240-AM) calls itself Christian Pirate Radio, two adjectives I never thought I’d find joined (see accompanying). One station worker described the format as “cutting edge” Christian music, adding that the name is a parody of the old hard rock “Pirate Radio” format at 100.3-FM.

The original “Pirate Radio,” you may recall, made no references to heaven but did put up billboards that said “Less Music by Dead Guys.”

*

NOT THAT SPORT: The Arcadia Weekly reports that a local Asian American activist claims that the Chinese language characters in a sign on a local sports bar translate as “Flower Girl Nightclub.” Explained the Weekly: “That doesn’t seem so bad unless you know [that] to Chinese this is the equivalent of a red light district.”

*

AN IDEA HE COULDN’T REFUSE: After The Times ran a story about a program to build a giant kelp reef off the San Clemente coast, actor Marlon Brando called the newspaper to ask for some information. He explained that he was considering building a kelp reef off a Pacific island that he owns.

*

NOT FOR THE CALORIE-CONSCIOUS, OBVIOUSLY: Frank Sheftel, proprietor of the Candy Factory in North Hollywood, has a new set of sweets honoring notables in the news. They include “Linda Trippcycles--chocolate microphones and audiocassettes on a stick.”

*

DUELING PROFESSIONALS: It is a sensitive point with physicians that when they are phoned by patients, their advice is dispensed for free. Lawyers, of course, charge for information they give over the phone.

A doctor in L.A., so the story goes, had an hourlong visit with a lawyer of his acquaintance. The lawyer had told him beforehand that he charged $300 per hour for consultations--or $75 for any phone call 15 minutes or less. Fine, the doctor said.

While the doctor was meeting with the lawyer, the latter received three phone calls. Later, the lawyer billed the doctor $300. The doctor sent him $75, explaining he had shared the hour with the three phone callers. The lawyer and doctor are no longer speaking.

miscelLAny:

I’m taking off to teach at the 47th annual California Scholastic Press Assn. workshop for high school journalists at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. It’s a time to recharge my batteries (though not the one in my cellular phone, which I’m leaving dead). And, too, I enjoy hearing the accolades from the kids, like this one from a San Gabriel Valley student: “You meet a big shot, a Times reporter like Steve Harvey, and then you see he dresses like a bum.”

See you in two weeks.

*

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.