‘Has Flattery Become a Crime?’

Recently, the U.S. Supreme Court took a strong stand against sexual harassment with a ruling holding companies liable if a worker suffers harassment on the job. The federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission reported nearly 16,000 new complaints of on-the-job sexual harassment last year.

MAURA E. MONTELLANO spoke with David Fredericks, a 57-year-old technical marketing writer from Huntington Beach, about his brush with a sexual harassment allegation and with a sexual harassment specialist.

A couple of months ago, I was in the lunch room at work when I struck up a friendly conversation with a young woman. I don’t remember anything unusual about her but she struck me as very Southern-belle looking, reminding me of so many girls I’d known in the South. Trying to be friendly, I said to her, “You remind me a little bit of Dolly Parton.” I meant nothing about her body, much less anything sexual; it was the furthest thing from my mind. If I had sensed in any way that I had offended her, I certainly would have clarified what I meant. But we continued our conversation and parted ways.

I was later accused of inappropriate behavior by supervisors and was released from my contract. I had no idea what they were talking about. They made me feel like some kind of pervert or criminal. I was not given the chance to defend myself or claim my innocence. I couldn’t believe it. It was a friendly conversation and it had been turned into sexual harassment.

I never thought that my friendliness and my habit of giving compliments would cost me my job. I don’t think sexual harassment is well defined. Nowadays , a simple compliment can be misinterpreted. This is happening like crazy. It is creating a lot of woman-haters because we can’t say anything that won’t be miscontrued. A lot of men are getting frightened now because they feel like they are walking on thin ice. I know as many women who are emphatic about how far this is going. Where do you draw the line? Has flattery now become a crime?

We’re talking about equality here. I can’t imagine a woman coming to me and telling me I look like Brad Pitt and me turning it into a sexual remark. The workplace doesn’t allow people to be themselves. That causes stress and resentment.

I would have preferred to have talked to this woman, to have explained what I meant with my remark.

After this, I will never compliment a woman again.