The Way to Control Tyson Is With the Remote Control

The first words out of Mike Tyson’s mouth when he testified before New Jersey’s Athletic Control Board two weeks ago were, “I’m cold.”

As other people in the moderately air-conditioned hearing room had been taking off their jackets, it didn’t seem likely that Tyson actually was cold, although he repeated his complaint twice during his testimony.

People who know more about human behavior than I do would tell you Tyson’s real goal was not to control the room temperature but his environment, trying to show everyone he was in charge by getting the state’s boxing regulators to accede to his whim and adjust the thermostat.

They ignored his pleas, much as referee Mills Lane had done when Tyson complained to him about Evander Holyfield’s head butts. We all know how Tyson reacted that night.

In this case, Tyson was visibly irritated, then agitated and finally angry, lashing out at the board.

Other columnists since have written that Tyson’s outburst was inconsequential and shouldn’t disqualify him from receiving a boxing license, but none of those I’ve read was in the room with him that day. It was clear to me that the man who craves control still can’t control himself.

I’m not sure how New Jersey’s Athletic Control Board would have voted today if Tyson hadn’t withdrawn his application Thursday.

Influential state lawmakers, among them the brother of one of the regulators, and the National Organization for Women lobbied against him. It’s reasonable to speculate that their efforts would have prevailed and, sensing that, Tyson decided instead to take his battle to Nevada.

That would make this one a rematch. The same commission that revoked his license last summer now must decide whether to give him a new one.

Even if the Nevada commission does, a more important test for Tyson comes later still. That’s when you decide whether to spend the $40 or $50 for his next pay-per-view fight.

Me? I’m the control board in my house when it comes to boxing on television and I will never watch him fight again.

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The Dodgers are hovering around .500. . . .

So what’s new? . . .

Through the first eight seasons of the ‘90s, they were a mere 44 games over .500, which averages out to 5 1/2 games in the plus column per season. . . .

The late broadcaster Jack Brickhouse used to say of his beloved Cubs, “Anybody can have a bad century.” . . .

Of the Dodgers, we can say, “Anybody can have a bad decade.” . . .

In this most bizarre of seasons, the Dodgers haven’t been able to beat bad teams lately. . . .

Maybe they’ll beat a good one when they play their next three games at Dodger Stadium against Atlanta. . . .

Or maybe not. In the first six games of their West Coast swing, the Braves’ Chipper Jones has hit .560 (14 for 25) with three home runs, a triple and nine runs batted in. . . .

The conventional wisdom is that Tom Lasorda is an interim general manager the way Bud Selig was an interim commissioner. . . .

Lasorda, however, insists he is seeking a general manager to replace himself. . . .

Speculation has centered on Cincinnati’s Jim Bowden, who, although he is under contract through next season, reportedly is at odds with the Reds’ managing executive, John Allen. . . .

An auction to benefit Andrea Jaeger’s Kids’ Stuff Foundation at the Acura Classic on Wednesday night raised $65,000. . . .

The most unconventional item was a walk-on part in “Mad About You.” . . .

With Martina Hingis, Anna Kournikova, the Williams sisters, etc., feuding, that also could be the title of a documentary about the women’s tennis tour this year. . . .

Another feud, this one between basketball coaches Steve Lavin of UCLA and Mark Gottfried of Alabama, is history. . . .

Formerly assistants on the same Bruin staff, they split over the circumstances surrounding Jim Harrick’s firing. . . .

Several callers were bewildered over my assertion that Bernhard Langer’s missed putt in the 1991 Ryder Cup is the worst choke I’ve ever seen, but not because they sympathize with poor Bernhard. . . .

They recalled a worse one--Scott Hoch’s missed two-foot putt on 18 that would have given him the 1989 Masters title. Instead, he lost in a playoff to Nick Faldo. . . .

I probably would have named that one too if I had remembered it, but, writing on deadline, I choked.

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While wondering if Paul Kariya’s head feels better now that “the Grim Reaper” is back in town to protect him, I was thinking: It’s apparent Russians still have a lot to learn about capitalism when Sergei Federov fires the agent that got him $28 million last season, no one has done a better job managing this season than Terry Collins, I’ve decided to become a Yankee fan.