Punch Lines

Paradise Lost: The Clintons have begun a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. “They needed an extra cargo plane to carry all the emotional baggage.” (The Daily Scoop)

Bill’s Bash: President Clinton celebrated his 52nd birthday. “First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton and White House staffers threw a surprise party for him. Games included ‘Pin the Tail on the Special Prosecutor’ and hitting a Monica Lewinsky pinata.” (Paul Ecker)

Strike Out: “Thousands of Bell Atlantic workers took time off from creating static and overcharging customers to strike over job security and benefits.” (Craig Kilborn)

Devil of a Job: Ken Starr once said that as a public servant, his job is “to chop the wood that is in front of me to chop.” “If I were Al Gore, I’d be feeling a little nervous right now.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

His Brother’s Keeper: Mel Gibson’s younger brother, Donal, will take over Mel’s “Pocahontas” voice-over duties in the straight-to-video sequel. “Yet another younger brother trying to speak up for himself.” (Daily Scoop)

Speak for Itself: A Cuban-born truck driver got a traffic summons in Yonkers, N.Y., for being unable to speak English. “Police immediately booked him on suspicion of being a New York City cab driver.” (Mark Wheeler)

Back in Circulation: “The NFL returns to CBS this season, which also means most women will be returning to the Lifetime channel.” (Andrew Wisot)

Having It Our Way: McDonald’s is updating its food delivery system in its kitchens so we can have our food faster. “Now we can have those burgers with the buns made in the ‘50s 10 seconds earlier.” (Gary Easley)

New Leash on Life: The first family went on vacation, taking along Buddy the dog. “Or, as Bill Clinton now refers to him, ‘my roommate.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Crime and Punishment: The Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that at the end of 1997 one in every 35 Americans was on parole, on probation or in jail. “And the others are still under investigation by Ken Starr.” (Johnny Robish)

Red Alert: President Clinton is scheduled to attend a Kennedy wedding on Martha’s Vineyard next week. “Ken Starr put his office on high alert. Where there’s a Kennedy wedding, there’s a Kennedy bachelor party.” (Argus Hamilton)

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