RANKING THE NFL

Staff writer T.J. Simers ranks the teams in the NFL entering the 1998 season:

1. Kansas City--Fans climb to top of their barns for Super Bowl ticker-tape parade.

2. Jacksonville--Brunell, the AFC’s young version of Young, becomes a star.

3. Denver--The Elway Farewell Tour goes as far as Terrell Davis takes it.

4. San Francisco--The NFL’s resident freeholders, feasting on NFC West creampuffs.

5. Green Bay--Definition of ridiculous: Cheeseheads & Reggie White.

6. New England--If everyone agrees not to yell boo at Bledsoe, Patriots have chance.

7. Minnesota--All that firepower and it’s probably headed to San Antonio.

8. Tampa Bay--Dungy tries novel approach of winning it all--plays without QB.

9. Pittsburgh--If Bus breaks down, it’s still too long of a walk for Stewart.

10. Seattle--If Moon rises above Watters, look out for the dark clouds.

11. Tennessee--Oilers’ play is criminal--enter witness protection program, get new name.

12. Detroit--Does Bobby Ross go to bed at night crying because he has Mitchell.

13. Washington--Who gets impeached first? Clinton or Frerotte?

14. Dallas-- “How Jerry Jones Got His Groove Back.”

15. Carolina--Kerry Collins working to become role model--bikers are thrilled.

16. Miami--10: Over and under on games Marino’s rumored to lose his job.

17. Oakland--Home Alone 8: A Season with the Raiders in Alameda County Coliseum.

18. New York Giants--Fassel should have had Kanell returning kicks, not Sehorn.

19. Cincinnati--NFL’s version of waving white flag--O’Donnell named starting QB.

20. Baltimore--Harbaugh ignites major turnaround, then Modell moves him.

21. New York Jets--Parcells tries to walk across Hudson River, drowns.

22. Atlanta--Whole season rides on Chandler . . . pack the bags.

23. Arizona--Cardinals want to move to L.A.--not until they get an offensive line.

24. Philadelphia--Detmer-Peete midget act canceled; now it’s 6-3 Hoying and bad football.

25. Buffalo--Thurman Thomas Farewell Tour begins a year too late.

26. Indianapolis--Manning begins lifetime sentence of hard labor in Nowheresville.

27. San Diego--Gilbride muzzled; Jones & Bugel leaders for coach of the year.

28. St. Louis--There has to be some kind of Georgia end-of-honeymoon crack here.

29. New Orleans--Saints thought Testaverde would have been an upgrade.

30. Chicago--”Dead Men on Campus.”