LAUGH LINES

Glub Glub: The remake of “Psycho” opened this weekend, starring Anne Heche. “How odd. Anne Heche is taking a shower in a major movie at the same time she claims her career is taking a bath.” (Premiere Radio)

Have You No Decency?: Kelsey Grammer sued the online Porn Kings Internet Entertainment Group because, he claimed, they stole a video of him and a woman having sex. “Kelsey was particularly upset because the video showed his bald spot.” (Premiere)

Open Gates: Bill Gates has donated $20 million to the Seattle Public Library. “He found the money while going through one of his pockets and said, ‘What the heck, I’ll just give it all to charity.’ ” (Andrew Wisot)

Low Bid: A football jersey that belonged to O.J. Simpson has been put up for auction in Los Angeles. “So far, there have been precious few bidders, the major problem being that whoever buys the jersey will also have to take Kato Kaelin, who’s wearing it.” (Bob Mills)

And That’s Final!: This will be “Mad About You’s” last season, and “they’re already working on the last episode: Paul leaves after finding out the baby is actually Jerry Seinfeld’s.” (Premiere).

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