WASHINGTON INSIGHT

NO SHOW: When California Democrats gather in Los Angeles today for an anti-impeachment rally, one prominent party leader will be missing: Gov.-elect Gray Davis. Davis turned down an invitation from the sponsors--Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition and People for the American Way--saying he had to remain in Sacramento for all-day meetings on his first state budget. Davis aides say he had no choice, since the budget is due at the printer at the end of this week, and note that his wife, Sharon, will appear at the rally. But some California Clintonites are miffed, noting that Davis had plenty of time for Clinton last August when the president helped him raise $3 million at three fund-raisers on a single day.

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METAPHOR NO MORE: In defense of the Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee who used endless tortured train metaphors to describe the Republican-led impeachment process, it turns out there is a runaway train on Capitol Hill. The automatic brakes on the Senate subway between the Russell Office Building and the Capitol failed last week, sending the train crashing into a wall and slightly injuring the operator and the two other people on board. In the best congressional spirit, a spokesman for the architect of the Capitol stressed that “there was no operator fault involved. It’s all automatic,” said Herb Franklin, “and it’s supposed to stop by itself.” Sounds familiar.

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HO, HO, HO: Apparently unsatisfied with the 15 minutes of fame he got at the start of Kenneth W. Starr’s investigation of the Clinton-Lewinsky matter, Bob Weiner, flack for the White House drug czar, has sent a “Happy Holidays” card to acquaintances to remind them that he had suffered a “little piece of the Year of the Jackal.” For those who have trouble remembering all the characters--and we do mean, characters--in this sordid scandal, Weiner is the guy who was hauled before the grand jury because he and his wife (stay with us here) had called some Democratic friends congratulating them for challenging the legality of Linda Tripp’s secret taping. In their holiday greetings, Weiner and his wife, Pat Berg, say that Starr’s “invasions of privacy and the precedents he established are likely far more dangerous to our nation in the long run than the president’s admitted serious but personal behavioral errors and his keeping them secret.” Not a word about where they spent their summer vacation.

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PIN POWER: To the uninitiated, the blandishments of being a member of Congress can be jarring, as Rep.-elect Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) recently learned during orientation. Like any mortal who is entering a House office building, DeMint put his briefcase on the conveyor belt of the X-ray machine and then joined the queue at the metal detector. But a sharp-eyed Capitol police officer spotted the congressional pin on DeMint’s lapel and quickly grabbed the startled lawmaker, steering him around the detector. “You da man now!” said the officer. Not for long, though. The newly elected GOP freshmen class president has pledged to serve no more than three terms in the House.

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STARR ON A ROLL: Still searching for the perfect holiday gift for that special someone? What could be more, um, touching than the Starr Report, printed on toilet paper. Political Americana, a Washington store devoted to campaign buttons, political bumper stickers and the like, is selling the special editions for just $10.95 a roll. Last we heard, the store couldn’t restock the item fast enough.