LAUGH LINES

Seasonal Trend: Yo-yos have gained popularity this year. How else do you explain Gov. Jesse Ventura, Rep. Mary Bono and the Donny and Marie talk show? (Jerry Perisho)

The Christmas Spirit: In Philadelphia this year, the fine for putting up a real Christmas tree in a high-rise apartment is $300. “Well, that’s fair. I mean, why should they pay a penny less than the rest of us?” (Steve Voldseth)

In the Strike Zone: Rickey Henderson, baseball’s all-time steals leader, signed with the New York Mets this month. “Meanwhile, Kevin Brown signed with the Dodgers for $105 million over seven years, making him the all-time robbery leader.” (Perisho)

And the Winner Is: Sports Illustrated has named Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa as its Sportsmen of the Year. “Meanwhile, Parenting magazine has named the NBA players and owners as its Babies of the Year.” (Daily Scoop)

The Name Game: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince is apparently annulling his marriage to wife Mayte. “In fact, the singer will now be known as the Artist Currently Acting like Dennis Rodman.” (Daily Scoop)

Holiday Countdown: There’s a little bit more than a week before Christmas and two days left before the next presidential apology. (Gary Easley)

Legal Claus: Two sidewalk Santas in New York have been arrested in a sting operation. They’re accused of pocketing money they claimed would go to charity. “Now police are warning: Be wary of any Santa Claus who’s puffing on a Camel and offering, ‘Put your imitation Rolex in the kettle and take a tax deduction like it was real.’ ” (Perisho)

It’s Not Easy Being Greene: Carolina Panthers’ Kevin Greene was suspended for one game after attacking a coach on the sidelines. “It’s true he’ll miss one paycheck worth more than $100,000, but he has sewn up this year’s Latrell Sprewell Trophy.” (Perisho)

Let the Games Begin: The International Olympic Committee is embroiled in a vote-buying scandal over selection of Olympic cities. “Salt Lake City is said to have provided free dental work and surgical procedures for committee members--something they don’t even do for insured Americans.” (Premiere Radio)

Play Fair!: Hasbro, the makers of Monopoly, have agreed to pay nearly $6 million to settle an antitrust suit with 44 states. “The company’s been accused of unfair practices to eliminate competition. They said, ‘No, we’re just playing Monopoly.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Wishful Thinking: It’s been reported that Anthony Hopkins intends to quit acting. “First, Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres, now Hopkins--any room on that bandwagon for Adam Sandler?” (Premiere Radio)

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