Punch Lines

We’ll Try to Avoid Clinton Jokes Today: “O.J. Simpson has a new book out. It’s called ‘Love Story: Love Means Never Having to Say I’m Sorry I Stabbed You.’ ” (Steve Voldseth)

We’re Weakening: Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College will stop offering introductory classes and instead focus on advanced classes. “I don’t care how many degrees he gets, I’m never going to call him Dr. Bozo.” (Premiere Radio)

Argh, We Give Up: “A former co-worker says Monica Lewinsky often commented about how sexy Al Gore was. So now we know she’s attracted to anything that does and doesn’t move.” (Conan O’Brien)

We’re Powerless: “This isn’t a presidency; it’s an Aaron Spelling show.” (David Letterman)

Hi, Our Name Is Laugh Lines and We’re Clintaholics: Rumors about the scandal are way out of control. “Now someone in the White House says they spotted the president and Lewinsky in the conservatory, playing Twister with Professor Plum and Mrs. Peacock.” (Mark Efman)

Monicagate: “I think this whole thing started because the interns are underpaid. Secret Service agents make $75,000 a year, and they only have to take a bullet for a president.” (Jay Leno)

Mediagate: The news is so lurid that “even Newsweek came in a brown paper bag this week.” (Leno)

Waterbedgate: Clinton says that the allegations are false and that he needs to “go back to work for the American people.” “Then he vowed to never stop looking for the real adulterer.” (Bill Maher)

Edugate: Schoolteachers are having a tough time explaining the scandal to younger students. “And what about future history courses? We’re dealing with an administration that can only be taught in health class.” (Argus Hamilton)

Guccionegate: Penthouse offered Lewinsky $2 million to pose. “Clinton was so unhappy he canceled his subscription. He said, ‘Hey, if you’re going to keep showing naked bodies of women I’ve already seen, what’s the point?’ ” (Voldseth)

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The Butchered David Letterman:

Top 10 other Monica Lewinsky nicknames for Clinton:

6. My Sweet Impeachable You

2. Commander-in-Briefs

1. Free Willie II

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.