When the Smoke Clears, the Place May Be Empty

It’s so surreal out there in Clubsville these days. Every time I walk into a bar or club, I get this creepy feeling I’m actually in Vegas. I finally figured out why on a visit to El Carmen: It’s the high oxygen levels.

With smokers being given the boot, forced to puff in the face of our dreary El Nin~o skies, it feels as if most clubs are pumping in oxygen, a la Vegas casinos. Refreshing, yes, unnerving, a little. One excellent side effect, however, is clubs without patios give off the appearance of something actually happening--as you drive through the streets of Hollywood, crowds of people hover near doorways and from a quick glance, it looks like lines of people trying to get in. The reality is, it’s the ostracized smokers stealing a drag and there’s no guarantee anything’s going on inside the venues. We’re not one to name names, but plenty of popular nightclubs aren’t miffed if you just gotta have a smoke, there’s no ifs ands or butts about it. . . .

Speaking of butts, the booties are still shaking and quaking each week at Grand Ville, the Thursday night dance club at 7969 on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood. The combo of hip-hop and striptease lite has proven to be a match made in money-making heaven and just last week, we spotted a grown-up Corey Haim in the crowd (now there’s a name you haven’t heard for awhile). . . .

Hugh Hefner’s been getting a second wind lately. After causing a stir with his recent appearances at Garden of Eden, the ultimate Playboy--newly separated from his wife--joined a party in progress last Thursday at Tempest, which recently relocated to Santa Monica Boulevard in Hollywood. . . .

The strange and wonderful world of E.L.I.O., a comedy/musical troupe from the fine city of Milan, blew through LunaPark in West Hollywood twice this week, and highlights included the lead singer--who performed with three arms--encouraging a crowd shout-out in his native tongue, which translated to him singing, “Now it’s your turn!,” prompting the audience to respond with, “Now it’s your turn!” I told you it’s weird out there right now. . . .

And finally, let’s all offer a moment of silence for Billboard Live’s Jumbotrons, which were recently removed and will no longer be slowing traffic on the Sunset Strip (Insert Moment of Silence Here). . . .

All right, party on.