Seeker of Lost, or False, Loves

This is always a busy time of year for Nick Harris Detectives, what with so many folks interested in finding out whether their lovers have other, secret valentines.

“We frequently have women hire us to conduct a premarital background check only to find out that the guy is still married to two or three women,” said Milo Speriglio, the Van Nuys agency’s director.

One of the most stunning findings in the agency’s 92-year-history was made in the 1920s by founder Nick Harris himself. “A woman was a bit suspicious about a guy,” Speriglio said. “It turned out he had had nine wives and killed them all for insurance. She was going to be No. 10. It was called the Blackbeard Case.”

But other stories are more romantic. “A widower in his 60s here in town asked us to find his childhood sweetheart--he only knew her maiden name,” Speriglio said. “It turned out they lived just a few blocks apart. She was a widow and they fell in love again and were married and I was the best man.”

DON’T WANT TO GET TOO MUSHY, BUT . . . Take a look at that Valentine’s Day-themed notice from the Department of Water and Power--Cupid shooting an arrow into that free toilet. (see accompanying) Very romantic. Then again, would you want a toilet tank that could be penetrated so easily?

EXPLODING VALENTINES: Actress Robin Givens’ latest marriage ended recently--after one day. Unfortunately, the world press didn’t break it down into hours so we’re left wondering whether she had the shortest celebrity marriage on record. For now, she’s merely tied for second on my list.

Some other couples whose wedded bliss quickly went blah:

* Actor Rudolph Valentino and actress Jean Acker (splitsville after six hours). She locked the Great Lover out of their suite at the Hollywood Hotel after the wedding dinner.

* Actress Jean Arthur and photographer Julian Anker (one day).

* Musician Buck Owens and fiddler Jana Grief (two days). The People’s Almanac noted that Owens not only had to pay Grief $25,000 as part of the court settlement, he had to allow her to remain in his band.

* Actor Dennis Hopper and singer / actress Michelle Phillips (eight days--it may have been a bad sign that they were wed on Halloween).

* Actor Wallace Beery and actress Gloria Swanson (three weeks).

And, the longest show-biz marriage: Figures from The Book of Lists indicate that Bob and Dolores Hope will celebrate their 64th anniversary Thursday.

HE CHASED ONE TOO MANY CARS: One of the most glorious names in USC history was George Tirebiter, a mangy mutt who wandered onto campus around 1941 and became the school’s unofficial mascot (even surviving a kidnapping by rivals who trimmed his fur so that it spelled out “UCLA”).

The hound has inspired a fictional work, “Bite On,” by George Reichart (see accompanying), who tells the adventures of George Tirebiter V, the great-great-grandson of the original, according to USC Trojan Family magazine. (No doubt Tirebiter has more than a few descendants running around).

This is the greatest tribute to the dog since he was hit by a car (oh, heavy irony) and killed on summer break in El Centro in 1950. The Daily Trojan eulogy said: “Gone to heaven, where he will have cushion rides for breakfast, white sidewalls for lunch, and cold rubber recaps for dinner. . . .”

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Two restaurants at the $1-billion Getty Center in Brentwood were recently given “C” ratings by the county health department. Oh well, there is some nice art on the premises.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.