Punch Lines

Motown Slowdown: Motown Records turns 40 this week and will be releasing updated versions of several hits, including the Temptations’ “I Can’t Get Next to You (Since You’ve Been Eatin’ All That Bran),” Boyz II Men’s “I’ll Make Love to You Again (Maybe Sometime Next Month)” and Lionel Ritchie’s “Say You, Say Me . . . Say What? Say That Again, Louder!” (Jerry Perisho)

Dornan Warnin’: A spokesman for ousted Congressman Bob Dornan said the Orange County Republican will file reelection papers soon, officially tossing his straitjacket back into the ring. (Bob Mills)

Gettin’ Out: Rap star Q-Tip’s house in New Jersey caught fire. Fortunately, he was able to escape safely with the rest of his family, A through P Tip. (Steve Voldseth)

Gettin’ Down(ey): Robert Downey Jr. was injured in a jailhouse fight. Obviously, they were showing a tape of “Soapdish.” (Gary Easley)

Three Ways to Tell if Your Brain Is Shrinking: (1) You go to work and think you left your wallet at home and return home, only to find you left it at work yesterday. (2) You think maybe Geraldo does have a point. (3) You think the president and O.J. may be innocent. (Bill Williams)

And Speaking of Presidents: Washington National Airport has been renamed after Ronald Reagan. “Airlines like it because now they can say, ‘This is Reagan National, we don’t remember where your bags are.’ ” (Williams)

And Speaking of Mr. Simpson: A school bus driver in Virginia has been accused of threatening noisy students with a knife. “Nice to see O.J. working again.” (Jay Leno)

What’s All This Aboot?: The Canadian prime minister announced that his country is ready to support a U.S.-led coalition against Iraq. To which Saddam Hussein replied: “And?” (Brent Dean)

Birthday Boy: Michael Jackson’s son is now 1 year old. “If you haven’t gotten him a present yet, a gift certificate for a lifetime of therapy is a pretty good idea.” (Leno)

First He Tried to Read the Matchbook, Then . . . A man from Seekonk, Mass., found a 4-inch-long gun on the floor of a hardware store and fired it, thinking it was a cigarette lighter. No one was hurt, although the man fired three more shots before saying, “I think it’s out of lighter fluid.” (Premiere Radio)

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