Thinking of You in the New Year
Hey! Happy New/Smoking-Law Day! For you puffers in an area where you’re now forbidden to light up, I’ll try to move the column along as fast as I can to hold your attention.
How is 1998 shaping up so far? Not to worry. The powers that be are thinking about you--at least, as much as ever.
For example:
* Marie Akey of Ontario and several other readers received invitations to a town meeting from the Ontario Redevelopment Agency that stated, “The importance of your presence can’t be understated.” (I’m sure the organizers meant overstated --didn’t they?)
* Richard Strayer, Evelyn Brooks and Annie Eitman each noticed that fliers from a Simi Valley trash company said it had instituted a new billing system and therefore wanted to apologize in advance “for any conveniences.” (I’m sure the company meant inconveniences--didn’t it?)
* And, finally, Michael O’Flaherty of Glendale spotted an ad by a criminal defense law firm that promised, “We’ll protect our rights.” (I’m sure the firm meant your rights--right?)
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SCHWINN’S TONIC? Michael Delahaut of Hollywood saw an ad in a trade paper for a beverage that would seem to leave a rubbery aftertaste--it was headlined “Bicycle Flavored Beer” (see accompanying).
This item appears in the column today in honor of the 98th anniversary of the Southland’s first freeway--a 1-mile-long, elevated roadway for bicycles in Pasadena. The founders planned to extend it all the way to downtown L.A. But with the advent of horseless carriages, bicycles fell out of flavor, uh, favor, and the roadway was dismantled, without ever suffering a SigAlert.
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DREAM AUCTION: In our continuing review of 1997, one event deserving of recognition was an auction that Kathi Fox of Manhattan Beach read about in a South Bay newspaper (see accompanying).
Imagine--items going to the lowest bidder. You could almost hear the verbal jousting that must have ensued . . . “Our next item is a stereo.” . . . “I bid 5 cents.” . . . “Four cents!” “We have a bid of 4 cents. Do I hear 3 cents? Do I hear 3? . . .”
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EASTERN SNOBBERY (THE EARLY YEARS): In the 1934 movie “The Thin Man,” private eye Nick Charles (William Powell) tells a fellow drinker in a New York bar that he’s unfamiliar with a local criminal case. “I don’t know anything,” Charles says. “I’ve been in California the last four years.”
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A REASONABLE REQUEST: Continuing the discussion here of dining adventures, Irving Codron recalled the first time his 5-year-old son was allowed to order in a restaurant.
“When it was his turn, he ordered a hamburger,” Codron said. “The waitress asked him how he would like it done. Before we could assist him with an explanation, he responded, ‘I would like it done in the oven.’ ”
miscelLAny:
In a recent issue of Sports Illustrated, UCLA soccer player Seth George revealed that after finishing his final exams one semester, he had no way to get home. So he hopped on his trusty skateboard and scooted from Westwood to Mission Viejo, a 70-mile jaunt. In the rain. Amazing that he could travel that far--I mean, equipped with no coffee-cup holder, no cell phone . . .
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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.
