Goodman on Mourning

Thank you, Ellen Goodman, for your timely observations on the American way of “dealing with” mourning and loss (“Coming Soon: the One-Minute Mourner,” Commentary, Jan. 6). In the short space of just 18 months, I lost two of the best friends a person could be blessed to have. One died in my arms of a brain tumor shortly after his 42nd birthday, the other in an accident the following year at 46.

Yes, life “goes on,” and I “moved on.” Five years have passed and I embraced new joys, challenges and love in my life. The ache of loss of those deeply loved ones, snatched much too soon from this life, still catches in the throat and brings tears to the eye. Holes get filled in, wounds heal, yet the scars and scuff marks remain. In reminding myself of the sorrow, my memory is also flooded with laughter and thanksgiving for the happy remembrances. Goodman’s column brought a smile to my spirit.

MARY FINGAL ERICKSON

Orange

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As a bereavement counselor, “closure” is not a word in my vocabulary regarding the dead. Love does not die with the physical end of life. Relationship does not stop with those we love. Love changes, as does the relationship one has with those who have died.

As a nation intent on repudiation of death, we do a disservice to the dead. They love us as strongly as they are loved. This elegiac way of thinking does not impede the return to functioning of the living. To the contrary, it allows the living the freedom to accept the change in relationship status to the dead without requiring them to abandon those they love.

MAUREEN MERCURY

Agoura