Bill Bought What for Whom, When?

Writer Steve Herbert noticed that the marquee outside the Rita Flora Flower Shop on La Brea Avenue made this accusation: “Bill Never Sent Monica Flowers.”

This isn’t the first time that owner Edward Rumann has made a reference to Clintonian controversies in Washington.

A previous marquee said: “Bill Never Sent Gennifer Flowers.”

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UNLIKELY NEIGHBORS: Out near LAX, Michael Hirsch of West Los Angeles spotted a set of billboards that give an unfortunate twist to the phrase, “entertainment for the entire family” (see photo).

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POOR RONALD: In the second half of our billboard juxtaposition series, Brian Treadway of Glendale came upon a sight that’s likely to give one fast-food maker a real case of McHeartburn (see photo).

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WHAT THEY MEANT TO SAY: Writer Steve Propes of Long Beach says he discovered a parlor game that can be played on many newer TV sets. It happened after he read a Times article about the now-common network practice of using closed captions for TV shows to aid deaf viewers.

Propes thought he’d study just how accurately the scrolling texts correspond to the dialogue. Activating his captioning mechanism, he found some surprises. For instance:

“I checked out ‘Dateline NBC.’ In a story about bank examiner fraud, the host noted ‘the average take is $11,000,’ ” Propes said. “The matching caption discounted the take to $1,100. Where was the missing 10 grand? Was I on to something?”

Propes couldn’t recommend “The Jerry Springer Show,” pointing out the captioning makes “too many references to car horns . . . ‘you and your (beep) brother’ . . . ‘beep’ this and ‘beep’ that.”

Newscasts lose some of their impact, he said, when they contain such transcription errors as, “Believe it or norte!”

And some of the oddest captioning accompanies the old “Beverly Hillbillies” show. “The folksy dialogue is straightened out,” Propes said. “The ‘goll Jeb, you ol’ possum nabber. . . .’ comes out something like, ‘Hi, Jeb, how are you?’ ”

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WHAT KIND OF TUBS WERE THESE? J’Amy Pachecho of Adelanto saw it in Child magazine: “It’s a brave new world when it comes to phone technology. In our October issue, we inadvertently published the wrong toll-free number to order Tub Tints for kids’ baths. Readers were quick to point out that the number we printed is a phone sex line. . . .”

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NONE OF THAT FRENCH STUFF: Rick Roudebush says he was at a Westside eatery one night “and I asked about the soup du jour. The young waiter seemed a little taken aback, thought for a very brief moment, and then decided to give it his best shot: ‘We don’t have soup du jour. We just have tomato.’ ”

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THANKS FOR THE PLUG! Rick Rofman of Van Nuys was watching a telecast of the L.A. County Board of Supervisors meeting when Supervisor Mike Antonovich offered this guarantee for some stray animals available for adoption: “They are well trained. You’ll find that they will mess up your L.A. Times instead of your rug.”

Perhaps now inquiring readers will understand why my hand is in that position in my column mug shot.

miscelLAny:

A candidate running against Tom Clark for a Long Beach City College Board seat wrote here to say that she is well aware that Clark, a former City Council member, likes to hand out Clark candy bars to potential voters. So, Joy Janes announced, she will be giving away Almond Joys on the campaign trail. Oh, quit your snickering.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.