Punch Lines

Mouseketeer Motto: “The Mondavi Winery will open a restaurant and wine-tasting area at Disney’s California Adventure with the motto: ‘You can be damned sure this is the happiest place on Earth!’ ” (Stan Kaplan)

Viagra Va-Va-Voom: “What a night I had last night. I’m exhausted. On the way home from work, I stopped at Starbucks, had one of their new Viagra lattes. I was up all night.” (Jay Leno)

Food for Thought: “According to Business Age, Elle MacPherson is the world’s richest supermodel. She’s worth $38 million. Cindy Crawford is worth $36 million. They didn’t get this rich from modeling. They got it from saving money on food.” (Leno)

Martha, Martha, Martha: Martha Stewart is launching a new television show aimed at children. “She says the show is supposed to teach children that Martha Stewart does everything better than Mommy.” (Conan O’Brien)

One Singular Sensation: According to a poll conducted by the Associated Press, Barbra Streisand ranks as the top singer of 1997 with women, edging out Whitney Houston by a nose. Tops on men’s list is Garth Brooks. “To no one’s surprise, George Michael was named favorite solo performer.” (Ira Lawson)

Pump It Up: Dennis Rodman is keeping a journal during the NBA playoffs for America Online. “It is pretty interesting. He talks about his rebounding, his mental strategies and how hard it is to find pumps in a size 23 to match his purse.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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LAUGH TRACK:

Bill Maher on the Little Rock, Ark., grand jury: “So they have been watching the Hillary movie, and not only do they have to watch that, but before it started they had to sit through previews of upcoming Clinton scandals.”

David Letterman on the presidency: “On this date, 209 years ago, George Washington was inaugurated as the first U.S. president. Two days later, he hired the first U.S. intern.”

Jay Leno on Clinton: “At President Clinton’s big press conference recently, he refused to answer any questions about Monica Lewinsky, Paula Jones or that affair with Miss America. But he did tell the press that he’s met someone new, she’s very special, but he doesn’t want to jinx it by talking about it.”

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.