For a Change, It’s Avalanche That Gets Buried

After the Colorado Avalanche was shut out twice and eliminated in the NHL playoffs by the Edmonton Oilers, here was Woody Paige’s reaction in the Denver Post:

“In the final eight eternal periods of the playoff series, The Team Formerly Known As Stanley Cup Champion scored 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 goals.

“The Colorado Gag-Alanche suffered through a grotesque 163 minutes and 40 seconds without a goal.

“The Colorado Ava-Retch did not score in the merry month of May. The Colorado Gag-Retch-Choke was a big, fat zero.

“O Canada. O, Colorado.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NHL playoff record for penalty minutes in one game?

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Dirt works: Third baseman Scott Brosius of the New York Yankees, on pitcher Hideki Irabu:

“They’ve finally got it through to him that his split-finger does not have to be for strikes. When he came over here, he’d throw a split-finger in the dirt and say he was sorry. Heck, that’s where it should be.”

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No more Mr. Nice Guy: Bill Lyon in the Philadelphia Inquirer, after the Flyers were eliminated from the NHL playoffs by the Buffalo Sabres:

“In a town notorious for its intolerance, the franchise has had a free skate far too long.”

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Try again: Bill Livingston writing in the Cleveland Plain Dealer: “Of the 50 greatest players in NBA history, only Billy Cunningham, Lenny Wilkens and Bill Russell won championships as coaches.”

A notable omission: Bill Sharman, coach of the 1971-72 Lakers, a team that won an NBA-record 33 consecutive games.

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Courteous pro: Masters champion Mark O’Meara, in an interview on the Golf Channel, on signing autographs:

“The game has grown so much in recent years. There are so many young people out there, I feel proud when they even ask me for my autograph, so I go ahead and oblige.”

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Deadly dog: David Letterman can’t understand the furor over falling concrete in the Bronx. “Most of the time when you go to Yankee Stadium if you get hit with something that weighs 500 pounds that feels like cement, it’s a hot dog.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1994, the Denver Nuggets, with a 98-94 overtime victory over the No. 1-seeded Seattle SuperSonics, became the first eighth-seeded playoff team to win a playoff series.

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Looking back again: On this day in 1940, the Brooklyn Dodgers became the first National League team to travel by air, flying in two planes from St. Louis to Chicago.

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Trivia answer: Dave Schultz of Philadelphia, 42, on April 22, 1976 at Toronto.

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And finally: Scholastic Inc., announced it has reached agreement with Shaquille O’Neal to create a children’s collection of “fractured” fairy tales.

“Shaq and the Beanstalk and Six Other Very Tall Tales,” intended for children ages 6 to 9, will be published by Scholastic in fall 1999.