Punch Lines

Box Office Bomber: Inmates lined up to greet Unabomber Ted Kaczynski as he began serving his life sentence. “Apparently, the prisoners were excited to finally meet the one man who could make more bombs than Kevin Costner.” (Mark Efman)

Pigskin 90210: Debate rages over stadium sites for an NFL team in Los Angeles. “Front-runners so far are the Memorial Coliseum, Dodger Stadium, Hollywood Park and Aaron Spelling’s backyard.” (Bob Mills)

Smurf’s Up: “Some people taking the impotency drug Viagra are complaining they see everything with a bluish tint. So, basically, Viagra makes you function again, but you think you’re having sex with a Smurf.” (Conan O’Brien)

Voyeur Journalism: Diane Sawyer interviewed Ellen DeGeneres and her lover, Anne Heche. “The interview was perfectly normal, but for some reason Sam Donaldson asked if he could watch.” (O’Brien)

For the Birds: The American bald eagle will go off the endangered species list. “But it will still be left on the ugliest national birds list.” (Gary Easley)

O-o-oh N-o-o-o: The Fox network is bringing back Mr. Bill, the character from “Saturday Night Live.” He’s pudgy, white and made of dough. “I thought he was already on prime time starring in ‘The Drew Carey Show.’ ” (Jerry Perisho)

Take That: A survey found that some 10-year-olds are taking steroids. “They run faster and kick farther, but the real problem is, they give monster wedgies.” (Perisho)

Going to Pieces: The Lego Toy Co. announced it will open a theme park. “The park was to be fully constructed earlier this year, but builders lost almost half the pieces.” (Efman)

A Model Life: Supermodel Tyra Banks has written her first book. “She sent copies to her supermodel friends. They’re all getting together and having a tutor read it to them out loud.” (Buzz Report)

Flashback Attack: Nancy Reagan dedicated the Ronald Reagan building in Washington, D.C. “The ceremony brought back memories. She cut the ribbon and fired all the hallway monitors for unionizing.” (Argus Hamilton)

Bat Boy: There is only one explanation for FBI dossiers on Mickey Mantle. “When J. Edgar Hoover was told that Mantle was a switch-hitter, Hoover simply had to have his phone number.” (Hamilton)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.