Keep It Among Friends

After perusing the exhaustive list of Los Angeles’ diverse summer cultural offerings, it would seem to behoove me to point you toward some of the many outstanding Shakespearean productions. Or something that sounds incredibly avant-garde like “Rattus Rattus” Blue Sphere Alliance, Lex Theatre, July 16-Sept. 6. However, I have no idea what that is.

And since I’ve always been told “write what you know,” I’ll tell you what I now know. Musically, it’s a very good summer for smart female rock ‘n’ rollers and/or the friends and acquaintances of Merrill Markoe.

“Why do I care about that?” you’re thinking, because you’re not accustomed to using me as a reference point when making your ticket purchases. I realize this and quite frankly it saddens me. So I thought we could use these summer listings as a chance to do a little bonding, you and I.

Let’s begin (if it’s OK with you, and let me know if I’m being too pushy too soon) with May 28-30, when we can all go see legendary innovative rock band Sonic Youth at the El Rey Theatre. Perhaps you’re aware of the fact that their brand-new album, “A Thousand Leaves,” just out this month, got uniformly praiseworthy reviews.

But here’s what you didn’t know. They’re personal friends of mine. OK, not close friends. Although I did spend the last two Christmas eves with singer-bassist Kim Gordon; her husband, singer-guitarist Thurston Moore; and their child, probable future musician Coco. All right, it wasn’t just the four of us; it was at the party of mutual friends. And I admit those were also the only two evenings I ever spent with them. But the point is, I think of them as friends now, so if you think of me as a friend, then you can tell people they are the friends of a friend. See how I’m having a positive influence on your summer already?

Which is the same rationale I’d like to be able to use when recommending Joni Mitchell (at Pauley Pavilion and the Arrowhead Pond of Anaheim). After all, she was also in attendance at the very same aforementioned Christmas party. Unfortunately, I was so dumbfounded at being introduced to her that I began involuntarily channeling Ralph Kramden and all that came out of my mouth was “hominahominahomina.”

Nevertheless it would be big fun to go see her perform Friday at Pauley even if she wasn’t sharing the bill with those young whippersnappers Bob Dylan and Van Morrison. The three of them are also appearing today, but that is our only chance to go see the always amazing Shirley Manson and her intriguing boys (a.k.a. Garbage) at the Palace. I have never met a single one of them, but any woman who can write lyrics like “You want to hear about my new obsession / I’m riding high upon a deep depression / I’m only happy when it rains / Pour your misery down on me” obviously knows at least a few of the same people I do.

And while we’re on the topic of impressive female rockers I have never met, Ani DiFranco couldn’t pick me out in a police lineup. But how can you not love a woman who not only started her own record label (Righteous Babe Productions) but who also writes lyrics like: “They say goldfish have no memory / guess their lives are much like mine / and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time / and it’s hard to say if they’re happy, but they don’t seem much to mind.” So mark her down for July 3 at UC Irvine.

Which brings us to Aug. 2, 4 and 5, when the Pretenders, featuring the entirely awesome Chrissie Hynde, appear at the Universal Amphitheatre on a double bill with the B-52’s. If you have never seen Hynde in concert, listen to your good friend Merrill and go. Not only is she at the top of her form as a singer-songwriter, but it’s stunning to hear how many songs of hers are in the permanent keeper pile. The first time I saw her perform live, I was so blown away by the style-wit-coolness-talent factor that it made me want to go right home and work at being much better at everything I do. I still use her as an inspiration-reminder when I feel like throwing in the towel, and (get ready for this) she is a personal friend of mine. Really. I swear. No kidding.

As is Michael Wolff, of the Michael Wolff Quartet (at the Catalina Bar and Grill July 9-12), if it’s jazz you’d rather hear. True, he’s not a female rocker but he is an incredible jazz pianist and composer, and the most facile keyboard player I’ve ever seen. Plus, he’s also a funny guy.

And when I asked him to recommend some other jazz concerts, since I’m giving it such short shrift, he suggested Tito Puente, “one of the creators of modern Latin music,” at the House of Blues. Also recommended: John Scofield (“fantastic guitar player,” Key Club, June 17) and Michael Brecker (“great sax player,” Catalina, June 16.)