Declare War on France! That’s the Ticket

The upcoming World Cup in France has elicited frenzied emotions from the London tabloids.

The Daily Star became agitated when the French allegedly didn’t allot a suitable number of tickets to the Brits.

“A good kicking on their Gallic derrieres is the only language the greedy Frogs understand,” huffed the Star, which cited England’s military conquests at Waterloo and Agincourt as precedent.

Obviously, England has no timetable in reveling in its military achievements. The battle of Waterloo was fought in 1815; the engagement at Agincourt in 1415.

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Trivia time: Which was the last National League team to change nicknames while staying in the same city?

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Will the Boss react? Shaun Powell of Newsday, writing before the Mets acquired Mike Piazza:

“In New York, a city that craves star athletes, Piazza would align himself next to [Patrick] Ewing and [Wayne] Gretzky and would finally give Yankee owner George Steinbrenner a reason to envy the Mets.”

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More Piazza: On the flight from Florida to New York after he was traded by the Marlins to the Mets:

“The guy next to me said he had to hurry up and get to the ballpark to see this new catcher the Mets got. I asked him if he was any good and he said, ‘I don’t know.’ ”

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There are always agents: Davey Johnson, former New York Met, Cincinnati and Baltimore manager, on agreeing to write a column on the Internet:

“Yep, I’m joining you baseball writers. I finally hit rock bottom.”

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Hefty salute: After David Wells pitched his perfect game for the Yankees, the New York Post headline was: “FATS INCREDIBLE.”

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Wait a minute: Sports Illustrated calls the recent Dodger trade with the Marlins “The trade of the century.” Perhaps in monetary terms, but not in numbers.

As an example, the Rams traded 11 players to the Dallas Texans for linebacker Les Richter in 1952. And, in 1959, the Rams traded nine players to the Chicago Cardinals for fullback Ollie Matson.

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So there! Ozzie Guillen, former Chicago White Sox shortstop, now a backup at the position with the Atlanta Braves, is a happy man nowadays, while his former manager, Terry Bevington, manages at triple-A Syracuse.

“I’m where I belong,” Guillen said. “He’s where he belongs.”

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Incentive? Comedian Bill Murray, a guest on ESPN’s “Up Close” last week, was asked by host Chris Myers about Tom Watson writing a letter complaining about his antics at Pebble Beach.

“Tom Watson should try making a short putt, a four-footer, every once in a while,” Murray said.

Watson then went out and won the Colonial, only his second PGA Tour victory in 11 years.

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Looking back: On this day in 1937, Carl Hubbell of the New York Giants, asked to make a rare relief appearance, pitched two scoreless innings and earned a 3-2 victory over the Cincinnati Reds, his record 24th consecutive victory over two seasons.

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Trivia answer: The Houston Colt .45s became the Astros in 1965.

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Trivia for the record: The Los Angeles Lakers were swept in best-of-seven playoff series in the 1977, 1983, 1989 and 1998 seasons. One season was incorrect in Tuesday’s trivia answer.

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And finally: Ron Green Jr. of the Charlotte Observer, on his version of the real rules of NASCAR:

“Keep one pair of black jeans handy. You never know when you might have to dress up.

“Make doubly sure to mention your sponsor over and over after you’ve been involved in a wreck because it’s rally hard to read decals on crumpled sheet metal.”