Take It Down to Funky Town

If, like me, you hyperventilate when you get anywhere near that war zone called the Beverly Center any time after Thanksgiving, here’s a holiday shopping alternative. Go east, to the laid-back chain store-free streets of Los Feliz and Silver Lake, where the only malls are mini-malls.

Shopping here fairly guarantees finding that unique something no one else would think of giving--unless everyone you know is exchanging vintage lunch boxes, ‘50s bowling shirts or life-sized plastic chickens this year.

I suggest gathering your strength at House of Pies, at Vermont and Franklin avenues, the place to go for traditional diner food like grilled cheese, tuna melts and French dip sandwiches served by real waitresses who ask, “Is everything all right, hon?”

You could go across the street to the hip Fred 62, but only if you prefer to order a “Charles Bukowksi” and then to be (slowly) served a ham on rye by a wait-person with multiple piercings.

Santa’s helpers on a budget will want to check out Y-Que (pronounced E-K) Trading Post. No actual trading seems to go on there, and the proprietors have a wacky way of insisting on cash or credit instead of barter, but the small space is crammed with quirky gifts that won’t break the bank. Anyone who isn’t yet sick of Monica Lewinsky might appreciate having her image preserved on a gold plastic revolving lamp for $13, and ‘50s pinup Bettie Page is similarly commemorated.

For someone with legal troubles (Monica, perhaps?), there’s a jinx-removing candle titled Law Stay Away! Other candles purport to solve such problems of modern life as man-woman attraction, finance and the handily all-encompassing Run-Devil-Run! for only$2.50 apiece. Someone on your AOL Buddy List who’s prone to daydreaming might treasure a $10 “Fantasy Island” mouse pad. And you could help a stressed-out driver in your carpool transcend road rage with an original “Dukes of Hazzard” coloring book for just $2.50.

Y-Que has gifts for the young as well as the young at heart. Uncle Milton’s Fascinating Ant Farm, $12.50, comes with four “antports” and “a clear flexible antway travel tube,” plus an “illustrated ant watchers manual.” But be forewarned: As of old, the ants must be shipped separately. And though the Super Sea-Monkeys for $8 seem tempting, you have to wait for them to grow. For those in search of immediate gratification, how about 10 ounces of gingerbread men in a Candyland tin box for $13?

All the vintage lunch boxes seem to end up in this area of town, and Y-Que stocks some swell ones, from $30 to $400 for that hard-core “Rocky and Bullwinkle” nut. (I know several denizens of the part of Silver Lake known as “the Swish Alps” who would be happy to receive one labeled “Campus Queen,” $65.) But if a lunch box is what you’re after, for a less pricey $12 you could acquire a brand-new molded plastic model complete with thermos featuring either the “Planet of the Apes,” the Bionic Woman or a Chihuahua with a halo. Call it “nouveau retro.”

Not Everything’s Cheap in the Mall Alternatives

By now you’ve saved so much money on gifts that you can afford to visit a more luxe establishment: Monah Li. This is as high-fashion as the neighborhood gets. Monah Li herself hails from Vienna, where she studied with Karl Lagerfeld. Both Ben and Jerry were at Li’s opening last month--no, not that Ben and Jerry, Ben Stiller and Jerry “Permanent Midnight” Stahl, a close personal friend of the designer.

And while we’re in name-drop mode, Li’s clients include Cameron Diaz, Melanie Griffith, Goldie Hawn, Jennifer Lopez, Courtney Love, Andie McDowell, Demi Moore, Stevie Nicks, Liz Phair and Renee Zellweger. This is the place to pick up a swanky new holiday outfit for yourself or your honey.

Perfect for Xmas: the slip-like shoulder-baring X-dress, with a silk ribbon X just under the bust, in stretch satin, $235, or stretch velvet, $270. You can have it in red, blue, purple, sage, teal, dark chocolate or black. I’m especially fond of the black velvet coat, $300, with a mesh back and a bustle, removable on those occasions when a bustle isn’t called for.

The men’s equivalent of these fantasy outfits would resemble the get-up Los Feliz native son Leonardo DiCaprio wore in that weird movie in which he played the Sun King. But unless you know someone with a hankering to don tights, the men on your list might be happier with a spiffy new sports shirt from the Sinister Store, where only some of the new and vintage clothing embodies its name.

Hip-Cat Shirts and Lots of Vinyl Purses in Stock

A better sobriquet might be “The Swingers’ Store,” by which I mean the indie film, not the ‘70s sexual practice. The short-sleeved sports shirt by Johnny Suede, featuring a flaming martini glass (with two olives) and dice buttons, in black or white, $59, should please any real or wannabe Swinger.

There’s a wide selection of shirts, both short- and long-sleeved, with slightly more sinister motifs, like flames, spider webs and devils, for $39 to $100. But the most sinister thing is the material. No natural fibers here--a black sateen shirt with red flames from the Serious label boasts: “100% man-made” fabric and feels--well, nasty.

When quizzed about his clientele, manager and buyer Alex Pope, a slim young man with red hair and a pierced lip, confides: “We get some Goth, some grunge, some punk, some alternative, strippers and even some older people in their late 20s and 30s.”

Hanging behind the counter are fake fur and vinyl handbags, $42, with the words “Bitch” or “Queen” etched in vinyl. They can be commissioned to display almost any word in any material. Except maybe the word “old.”

In case this puts you in the mood for a make-over, Vinyl Fetish, the music store next door, offers “One Night Stand Haircolor” in fluorescent shades for $4.99. If you change your mind, it washes out immediately after use. Or if you know a pre-pubescent girl with a tolerant mom, this gift could evoke instant Spice Girl.

But what about Mom and Dad back home in Peoria? Oddly enough, X-Large, home of the homies, is a good place to look. Buy a plaid flannel shirt, $60, for Dad and make him hip without his knowing it--and without your going anywhere near a crowded department store. Or you can throw caution to the winds: Give Dad a colorful $24 T-shirt with either Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens or the Bronx subway logos on it and trust he won’t become the victim of misdirected gang retaliation.

Time to revive yourself with a cappuccino from a true neighborhood business: Cafe Los Feliz on Hillhurst Avenue. One longtime Silver Lake resident, John Kalish, told me he’d always longed for a place where people greet him by name and say, “The usual?” This is it. Go there often enough and they may do it for you too.

Just up the street is La Belle Epoque Restaurant and Bakery, one of the few places in L.A. where you can order a traditional French Christmas log, or buche de Noel, in chocolate, mocha or Grand Marnier (small $15, medium $30, large $60).

You Don’t Have to Be a Professional to Enter

Rosetta Stone Gallery is the kind of antique shop you don’t feel you have to be an interior decorator to enter. Someone you know might be charmed by a pair of lifelike wooden carved pigs from England, piglet size, for $25 apiece. Or even a genuine hippo foot humidor, $275, which co-owner Denise Saker describes as “very Ralph Lauren.”

A more economical way to show your loved ones you care is to offer them the protection of a dashboard saint, $2.50 from Tatak Pilipino. A visit to this “Filipino heritage store” is cheaper than a trip to Manila and affords almost as many bargains.

To say “Merry Christmas!” loud and in living color, there are 12- and 17-inch red, green or yellow hanging stars with contrasting pompons, $5.95 to $8.95. Wooden Santas, angels, stockings and stars to hang on the tree are 99 cents each. Elegant hanging gold moons and stars are $1.50 for small, $2.95 for medium and $3.95 for large ones--and your friends will never know you didn’t get them at Williams-Sonoma.

Your favorite hostess would probably appreciate a set of three handsome wooden serving bowls, $34.95, or a big wooden salad bowl, $29.95. For the truly adventurous hostess, you might fill them with a selection of typical Filipino foods. Personally, I’m dying to find out what “sport coconut string,” $4.25 for a 24-ounce can, is and what sport it’s used for. Selections from the Filipino music section upstairs are piped throughout the store. If you’ve never heard “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” in Tagalog, now’s your chance.

Another source of culinary gifts is Say Cheese, a gourmet store and cafe in Silver Lake. After your better-than-your-average-sandwich on LaBrea bakery bread, you can stock up on exotic items like harissa, an essential accompaniment to couscous, $2.99 for 150 grams, or Denver’s Queen Conch Chowder, $4.99 for a 15-ounce can. For $7.99, pick up a tin of French designer salt from the Camargue, “Gathered 23/8/95 by Alban Mouret, Master Salt Maker in Aigues-Mortes,” for your favorite food snob.

You’re not far from the shopping strip for furniture and collectibles along Rowena Avenue to the northeast. But check before you go, because some stores, including Blagg’s and Edna Hart, are not open every weekday. Worth exploring: Sol e Luna, 2910 Rowena, where you can imagine yourself transported to a Moroccan bazaar--that is, a Moroccan bazaar presided over by a friendly genie named Terry Sue who keeps a photo of himself in drag next to the cash register.

The Smell of Incense; Imported Treasures

The smell of incense pervades a series of rooms heaped with imported treasures, like unusual boxes in Moroccan silver and henna-dyed camel bone, $20 and up. Goatskin lamps with a henna design, $120 and up, might cast a rosy glow over that romantic friend still harboring memories of “The English Patient.” Shearling slippers from Greece, $40, in gray, brown or tan would make for happy feet on Christmas morning or any other morning. Loop around west again onto Hollywood Boulevard for the next stop: Plastica. Plastica isn’t homey, unless you live with the Jetsons. If there’s some specific plastic object from the past you’d like to find again, Carla Denker, the owner-manager, tries to fill requests.

Meantime, you might make do with an orange-and-green salt and pepper and napkin holder set, adorned with a reindeer-like motif, $12, that belongs on a ‘50s picnic table. Or a “Sweet Sue” skunk to hold the baking soda every good homemaker keeps in her fridge, $15, baking soda not included. And this is where to find the aforementioned plastic chickens, $12 to $15, in yellow, blue and speckled black and white. But the piece de resistance is the plastic $28 to $32 Yule log in light or dark wood tones. Buy a few and stack them next to the artificial fireplace.

If you’re looking for an artificial fireplace, the Snivling Sibbling would be a good place to start. It’s southeast on Sunset Boulevard, in an area dubbed Sunset Junction, south of Fountain Avenue. Owner Jeffrey Thorin explains the name: “When I started out I was in my brother’s and sister-in-law’s building in Sherman Oaks, so I was the sibling and I sniveled!”

Thorin offers free coffee along with his eclectic wares: Bauer pottery, diner dishware, hubcaps, old records, comics, magazines and costume jewelry coexist with larger items, like an authentic Brunswick bowling ball return for $300. “It would make a wonderful piece for a reception area, don’t you think?” asks Thorin, who disdains the word “thrift,” preferring to refer to this glorious hodgepodge as “a vintage department store.”

I unearth a lamp that’s an old-fashioned movie camera in miniature, $20, and a wonderful signed framed photo of Sonja Henie, $40, inscribed “Merry Christmas, Happiness Always.” I’m also drawn to a primitive--very primitive--fish painting, $40.

But at my next stop, Pull My Daisy, 3908 Sunset, I stumble on something that really yanks my chain: an oil painting of Marlon Brando for $45, framed. I can’t resist. (Even though it’s the young, thin Marlon Brando, the painting is larger than I thought and transforms my bedroom into the Marlon Brando memorial bedroom.)

To celebrate, my friend and Silver Lake guide joins me at El Conquistador, a popular local Mexican place. Upstairs in the gallery bar, over giant margaritas from expert mixologist Victorino Aguilar, we toast my serendipitous purchase. And isn’t that really the joy of holiday shopping--being rewarded for thinking of others by coming across something you really want for yourself?

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Los Feliz

1. Skylight Books

1818 N. Vermont Ave.

Armchairs for browsers (the human kind).

2. Squaresville

1800 N. Vermont Ave.

Vintage clothing that shows it’s hip to be square.

3. Y-Que Trading Post

1770 N. Vermont Ave.

Good for inexpensive quirky gifts.

4. X-Large

1768 N. Vermont Ave.

B-boy and -girl clothes.

5. Monah Li

1756 N. Vermont Ave.

Sexy clothes in luxe fabrics.

6. Vinyl Fetish

1750 N. Vermont Ave.

For your obscure musical needs.

7. The Sinister Store

1748 N. Vermont Ave.

Something for everyone, from Goth scenester to exotic dancer.

8. Fat Beats

1722 N. Vermont Ave.

Nubian music.

9. Archaic Idiot

1720 N. Vermont Ave.

Tasteless gifts and records.

10. La Belle Epoque

2128 Hillhurst Ave.

Edible Christmas trees and logs, French-style.

11. Cafe Los Feliz

2118 Hillhurst Ave.

European and international pastries and baked goods.

12. Rosetta Stone Gallery

1958 Hillhurst Ave.

One-of-a-kind tchotchkes, furniture and art.

13. Mise En Place

1941 N. Hillhurst Ave.

Gourmet kitchen items and gifts.

14. Tatak Pilipino

1660 Hillhurst Ave.

Filipino treats.

15. Plastica

4685 Hollywood Blvd.

Everything plastic.

16. Virginia’s

4665 Hollywood Blvd.

1950s home decor.

17. Ozzie Dots

4637 Hollywood Blvd.

Headquarters for Santa outfits.

18. The Soap Plant/Wacko/La Luz de Jesus Gallery

4633 Hollywood Blvd.

Art, collectibles, toys, books and scented soaps.

19. Uncle Jer’s

4459 W. Sunset Blvd.

Weird gifts, clothes, fancy on-the-spot gift wrap.

Silver Lake

20. Shangri La

4352 W. Sunset Blvd.

Vintage clothing (no ‘70s).

21. Furthur

4312 W. Sunset Blvd.

Furniture and decorative items.

22. Tsunami/Sunset Thrift

4019 W. Sunset Blvd.

African and Indian clothes and gifts upstairs; vintage clothes downstairs.

23. Your Devil’s Hole

1515 Griffith Park Blvd.

More vinyl music.

24. Den of Antiquity

3936 W. Sunset Blvd.

Things that don’t quite qualify as antiques.

25. Magick & Fetish Shop

3934 W. Sunset Blvd.

The name says it all.

26. Ragg Mopp (upstairs)

3924 W. Sunset Blvd.

Velvet paintings and bowling shirts.

27. Strictly Grooves

3915 W. Sunset Blvd.

Even more records.

28. Pull My Daisy

3908 W. Sunset Blvd.

One man’s junk is another’s treasure.

29. The Snivling Sibling

3902 W. Sunset Blvd.

Vintage department store.

30. Destroy All Music

3818 W. Sunset Blvd.

Punk, alternative and more.

31. Daft

3815 W. Sunset Blvd.

Vinyl semi-transparent skirts and sari fabric.

32. Chulerias

3743 W. Sunset Blvd.

Latin American folk art.

33. E

3532 W. Sunset Blvd.

Groovy new threads.

34. Rubbish

1630 Silver Lake Blvd.

Furniture from the 18th century on.

35. Say Cheese

2800 Hyperion Ave.

All the ingredients for a holiday party.

36. Blagg’s

2901 Rowena Ave.

Past, present and future antiques.

37. Sol e Luna

2910 Rowena Ave.

A Moroccan bazaar of gifts.

38. Edna Hart

2941-45 Rowena Ave.

Furniture and collectibles.

39. Needed Things

2924 Rowena Ave. and 3101 Glendale Ave.

Somebody might need them.