Ara’s in Hospital, and They’re Sick of Him

In an interview with David Casstevens of the Arizona Republic, former Notre Dame Coach Ara Parseghian told of the time he checked into a hospital for a few days of rest at the end of his last regular season as Irish coach in 1974.

Notre Dame had just lost to USC, 55-24.

Wrote Casstevens: “While recuperating, Ara expected some communication from the school’s athletic board, which was meeting behind closed doors to discuss his successor. As Parseghian tells it, the following telegram arrived at the hospital:

“ ‘Dear Coach: The Athletic Board of the University of Notre Dame wishes you a very speedy recovery, by a vote margin of four to three.’ ”

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Trivia time: Five players share the NFL record for most touchdown passes in a game with seven. Who was the first?

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Flipped out: Even though Miami has a 3-1 record, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald is disgusted with the Dolphins’ offense:

“Disguised for three games, but now splayed for all to see, in all its glory, is a Dolphin offense that may be the franchise’s worst since the late ‘60s, when a bottle-nosed Flipper would leap in his east end zone tank in the Orange Bowl following touchdowns.

“Like the unit he came to celebrate, Flipper died of atrophy due to lack of movement.”

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Vicious! From Jay Leno: “If you’re a basketball fan, the NBA season is in real danger this year because of this player lockout thing. But the good news: Looks like Shawn Kemp may have enough illegitimate kids to start a rival league.”

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A Berman fan: From syndicated columnist Norman Chad: “Good idea--the yellow line showing ESPN viewers first-down markers during football games. Better idea--flashing lights warning ESPN viewers Chris Berman is about to broadcast a baseball game.”

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A winner at last: From comedy writer Jerry Perisho: “[Today] the 0-5 Washington Redskins take on the 0-5 Philadelphia Eagles. It’s the NFL Game of the Weak.”

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All bases covered: Boston Bruin forward Rob DiMaio, describing his surgery: “They had to take a piece of bone out of my head in order to rebuild my nose. It was kind of a pain in the butt.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1902, USC lost to Loyola, 6-5. Yes, it was a football game; touchdowns counted for five points then.

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Trivia answer: Sid Luckman of the Chicago Bears against the New York Giants on Nov. 14, 1943.

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And finally: Bryan Sanchez has broken his high school’s home run record, and residents of Canandaigua, N.Y., are concerned he’s going to start breaking windows.

The school district is considering making the fence 20 feet higher around Evans Field, which has been used for 50 years.

Sanchez’s home runs have already sailed into flower beds and tool sheds. One homeowner says a ball hit his house.

His biggest shot, during an American Legion game in 1996, soared over a two-story house. It was paced off at about 475 feet.