Rose Dud?

Wake up, L.A., and smell the roses.

Just don’t take too big a whiff.

While long-valued customers Ohio State and UCLA play out potential road-to-Tempe dream seasons, the Rose Bowl braces for Plan B(ad).

How does Virginia Tech versus Kansas State grab you?

Seriously, consider the economic windfall:

* Sales of “Maps to Hollywood stars’ homes” would go through the roof.

* Players from participating schools could sell the beef they rode in on to Lawry’s for the annual all-you-can-eat face-feed and photo opportunity.

* Jay Leno’s joke writers would get handsome Christmas bonuses.

Virginia Tech vs. Kansas State?

In our Rose Bowl?

It could happen.

Before you go planting a For Sale sign, an explanation is in order:

When the Rose Bowl did the right thing and joined the bowl championship series this year in exchange for hosting the national title game in 2002, there was always a worst-case scenario.

Rose Bowl committee members just didn’t expect it the first year.

In the ABC-brokered deal, the Rose Bowl stipulated that any Pacific 10 or Big Ten school ranked No. 1 or No. 2 would be allowed to play elsewhere in a rotating “national title” game.

The agreement was reached to prevent debacles that occurred in 1994, 1996 and 1997, when a matchup of No. 1 versus No. 2 could not be made because champions of the Pac-10 and Big Ten were bound to the Rose Bowl.

In 1994, No. 2 Penn State had to play Oregon instead of No. 1 Nebraska. In 1996, it was No. 2 Arizona State against Ohio State instead of No. 1 Florida State. Last season, No. 1 Michigan faced Washington State instead of No. 2 Nebraska.

For years, the Rose Bowl protected its turf the way a mother bear does her cub, but it finally capitulated for the good of the college game.

And now, as autumn leaves turn, so does the stomach of Rose Bowl Committee chairman Harriman Cronk as he reads the bad news over his morning coffee:

No. 1 Ohio State, No. 2 UCLA.

If both schools win out, which is no cinch, and end up No. 1 and No. 2 in the championship series computer poll, which is also no cinch, the third No. 1 vs. No. 2 matchup in modern Rose Bowl history will be played Jan. 4 in the Fiesta Bowl.

Bummer?

“It just depends on how bent the press gets,” Cronk said. “I think some local people will think we made a bad deal. By the same token, we’ve given the public what it wants, we’ve given the presidents what they want and we’ve given the coaches from the two conferences what they want. What else can I say?”

Even if the Rose Bowl ends up having to walk Ohio State and UCLA to the California-Arizona border and bid a tearful farewell, all may not be lost.

As compensation for losing No. 1 and No. 2, the Rose Bowl would get to choose the top two next available schools. Those schools do not have to be the next best available schools from the Pac-10 or Big Ten conferences.

The Southeastern Conference champion is bound to the Sugar Bowl, and the Orange Bowl gets to select either the Atlantic Coast Conference or Big East champion, but everything else is up for grabs.

Hello, Notre Dame.

If the 4-1 Irish continue at this clip--next up on the cupcake stretch are Army, Baylor, Boston College and Navy--they could make their first appearance in Pasadena since the 1925 Rose Bowl game, when Angelenos crammed Union Station to catch a glimpse of the incoming Four Horsemen.

Notre Dame versus Nebraska would not be a shabby consolation prize. Or Nebraska vs. Wisconsin, which could be available at 11-0.

“You have to look at it in a positive light,” Cronk said. “Goodness gracious, can you imagine inviting two teams that maybe have not ever been to the Rose Bowl?”

Then again, if Notre Dame, Nebraska and Wisconsin slip up, citizens of L.A. could be waving down the Wells Fargo Wagon that precedes the Virginia Tech and Kansas State caravan.

Chilling thought?

Cronk: “I just look upon it as an exciting adventure.”

BUCKEYES MAY NOT STOP HERE

The Rose Bowl’s loss of Ohio State-UCLA is hardly a lock.

Here’s a midseason handicap of the national title contenders in the order of the schools’ current AP rankings.

1--Ohio State (5-0). Can the Buckeyes possibly mess this up? The remaining road games are Northwestern, Indiana and Iowa, a cumulative 7-10. Ohio State plays Minnesota, Michigan State and, gulp, Michigan at home.

2--UCLA (4-0). Hold that applause, there’s plenty of work to be done, starting with Saturday’s pinball game against No. 11 Oregon. The Bruins have to travel to California (Oct. 24), Washington (Nov. 14) and Miami (Dec. 5). There’s also that cross-town rivalry game to be played Nov. 21.

3--Tennessee (5-0). Watch your backs, Bruins. The Volunteers’ remaining six opponents have a 14-17 record. Tennessee gets the best team of the bunch--5-0 Arkansas--at home on Nov. 14. Yes, Pete Dalis, the fight for a national title-game berth could be decided Dec. 5, when UCLA faces Miami and Tennessee takes on a tough customer--Mississippi State or Arkansas--in the SEC title game.

4--Kansas State (5-0). The Wildcats’ orchestrated plan to stake their season on a Nov. 14 home game against Nebraska might ultimately pay off, despite national cries of schedule-tampering. Speed bump: Although Kansas State dodges Texas A&M; on the schedule, the schools could meet in the Dec. 5 Big 12 title game.

5--Florida (5-1). How this fumblin’, bumblin’ mess-of-a-team is still in the national title picture is a miracle. The loss to SEC East foe Tennessee was a killer, though, for it probably locked the Gators out of a trip to the poll-enhancing SEC title game.

6--Florida State (5-1). This is the sleeper, folks. Chris Weinke threw six interceptions against North Carolina State on Sept. 12. Know how many he has thrown in four games since? None.

With No. 25 Georgia Tech (Oct. 24), No. 7 Virginia (Nov. 7) and No. 5 Florida (Nov. 21) left--the Virginia and Florida games are in Tallahassee--the Seminoles have plenty of schedule punch to make up four poll spots.

7--Virginia (5-0). The Cavaliers have a history of fading in November--15-12 in the month in the 1990s--so it’s tough to see them surviving Florida State and a season-ender at No. 14 Virginia Tech. But if they do . . .

8--Nebraska (5-1). It may be Rose Bowl or bust for the Cornhuskers, whose six-position poll drop after last week’s loss to Texas A&M; will be tough to make up.

9--Wisconsin (6-0). The Badgers could end up 11-0 and not qualify for the national title game because of a nonconference schedule that included wins against San Diego State, Ohio and Nevada Las Vegas and a Big Ten schedule that does not include Ohio State.

10--Texas A&M; (5-1). Too many schools to climb over to make a serious run at the Fiesta Bowl, which is too bad for a school that led Florida State at the half before losing and defeated Nebraska handily.

HALFTIME REPORT

Three biggest surprises so far.

1--Akili Smith. A year ago, he was a fine young Oregon quarterback sharing time with Jason Maas. This year, he’s leading the country with a 196.3 efficiency rating. Here’s a thought: Smith could lose the Heisman to UCLA’s Cade McNown but beat him out for first-team all-conference honors.

2--Collapse of Arizona State: After losing an emotional home opener to Washington, the Sun Devils decided they couldn’t win the national title and packed it in. At 2-4, the challenge now is to get bowl eligible.

3--Arkansas (5-0). With the ratio of federal investigators to citizens running about two-to-one in the state, the Razorbacks have been the one proud pig in a poke. The credit goes to first-year coach Houston Nutt.

Midseason coach of the year:

Tommy Bowden, Tulane: Bowden edges Nutt in a runoff election. Bowden took a swamp-thing program and turned it into fine New Orleans cuisine, and probably will have his pick of impending coaching openings at Oklahoma, Clemson or South Carolina.

Midseason Heisman race:

1--UCLA’s McNown is this year’s Jake Plummer, a fiery competitor and winner. McNown won’t win the award on statistics, so it is imperative he lead the Bruins to an 11-0 finish.

2--Ricky Williams, tailback, Texas. His chances are tied to the Longhorns’ record. Notre Dame’s Paul Hornung, in 1956, is the only Heisman winner to hail from a losing school, and Hornung did not deserve the trophy.

3--Tim Couch, quarterback, Kentucky. Apply the Ricky Williams axiom.

4--Michael Bishop, quarterback, Kansas State. Took a giant step back with his ho-hum effort at Colorado.

5--Daunte Culpepper, quarterback, Central Florida. Although no longer a conversation topic, all Culpepper does is throw for 300 yards and three touchdowns every week. And his school, at 5-1, appears bowl bound.

TWO-MINUTE DRILL

* It’s official. The first bowl championship series computer poll will be released Oct. 26.

* Rose Bowl chatter: If UCLA and Ohio State end up in the Fiesta Bowl, what will the Rose Bowl do if it faces a choice between 10-1 Wisconsin and 10-1 Notre Dame? Don’t expect Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delaney to lobby too hard on Wisconsin’s behalf. Why? Because Delaney is trying to woo Notre Dame to the Big Ten.

* Since the Associated Press poll began in 1936, the Rose Bowl has had two No. 1 vs. No. 2 matchups. In 1963, No. 1 USC defeated No. 2 Wisconsin, and in 1969, No. 1 Ohio State defeated No. 2 USC.

* Had UCLA decided not to play Miami on Dec. 5, the Hurricanes planned to issue a press release stating that it was not a mutual decision, which only would have further damaged UCLA’s credibility.

* Lucky that transformer at Sun Devil Stadium chose to blow at a mediocre Notre Dame-Arizona State matchup in October. Imagine the horror had the 45-minute power outage occurred during the prime-time telecast of the Jan. 4 Fiesta Bowl.

“We think it was kind of a fluke thing,” Fiesta Bowl spokesman Shawn Schoeffler said this week. “We also think it was a wake-up call. We have now prepared for that for Jan. 4. We have backup plans for backup plans.”

One of the backup plans calls for having a backup generator.

* Pac-10 night woes, continued: Three east-of-the-Mississippi River Heisman voters wanting to take a long look at McNown were kicked out of the Atlanta Airport Marriott bar during the fourth quarter of Fox’s telecast of UCLA and Arizona. Why? It was 1:30 a.m. Closing time. With Fox unavailable in their hotel rooms, the Heisman voters did not see UCLA’s last three scores in a 52-28 win, including McNown’s 64-yard touchdown pass to Danny Farmer.