Punch Lines

Kiss and Tell: President Clinton is in Ireland. “Kind of an embarrassing moment there. When someone asked him if he wanted to kiss the famous Blarney Stone, he said, ‘Sure! Send her over!’ ” (Steve Voldseth)

Casual Fridays?: Male members of Britain’s Parliament are petitioning to end the practice of wearing powdered wigs, breeches, buckled shoes and silk stockings. “At least during working hours, anyway.” (Voldseth)

In Deep Water: Video retailers were swamped with more than 20 million requests for copies of “Titanic.” “To keep panic at a minimum, women and children went first.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Spell D-u-h: High school seniors improved their SAT math scores again slightly this year, but they didn’t do any better than last year on the verbal section. “Asked to comment, one student said, ‘I can add numbers up goodly.’ ” (Alex Kaseberg)

Full of It: A growing number of schools are banning the peanut butter sandwich because of an increase in allergic reactions in children. “Next on their list, they will outlaw politicians who they say are full of baloney.” (Paul Ecker)

TV Dinner: A conservative parents group is calling for a nationwide boycott of the International House of Pancakes in response to its sponsorship of Howard Stern’s show. “They fault the restaurant chain for sponsoring a ‘tasteless’ show. Apparently, they haven’t sampled the food at IHOP lately.’ ” (Bob Mills)

She’s a Scream: Producers of Roseanne’s new daytime talk show are putting stops to the rumors that something’s wrong on the set. “They said everything’s fine and that the actress has been busy yelling at everyone as usual.” (Andrew Wisot)

Business as Usual: The 105th Congress returns to work. “Congress was off for the summer. After reporting to work, they broke for lunch and will work another month before wrapping up for the year. No wonder they never get anything done.” (Cortes)

School Daze: The National PTA is under fire for entering into a deal with Office Depot that makes it appear the organization endorses the chain. “While no immediate action will be taken, the incident will go into their permanent record.” (Ira Lawson)

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