Animal Rebellion? Uh-huh. Right. Sure.

Editor’s Note: We are beginning to think that Off-Kilter columnist Roy Rivenburg made up this whole “worldwide animal rebellion” thing as an excuse to get out of work this week. So far, the only animal “attack” we’ve heard about is some guy down the street getting bitten by a mosquito. If anyone sees Rivenburg, tell him he’s in big trouble.