Burglars Drove Selves Too Hard

In the never-ending Stupid Criminal Tricks competition, two men purposely drove their car through the plate glass window of a Paramount business that they intended to burglarize. One problem, reports Paramount’s City Talk newsletter: The masterminds drove in “so far . . . that they couldn’t back out.” They were arrested while walking down the street--rolling a couple of chrome-plated tire rims (not their own).

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ONLY IN L.A. DINING SUPPLEMENT: Sally Fynan of Temple City snapped a shot of an Alhambra restaurant sign that sounds like the place to go for some hearty eating (see photo). Anita Mandel of Camarillo came across a duck that’s no doubt longing it wasn’t on a menu (see excerpt). And Jay Lowy of West Hollywood found a “Fat Loss Center” listed under “Craft Supplies” in a phone directory--further proof that there’s a real art to shedding pounds (see accompanying).

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SURE, SOME CANDIDATES CAN BE RENTED, BUT . . . : What with media scrutiny these days, it’s not uncommon for political campaign staffs to return checks they receive. But the aides of congressional candidate Julie Alban had an innocent--and unusual--reason for rejecting what they first thought was “a generous contribution.” It turned out to be a rent check mistakenly delivered there. It was actually intended for a Long Beach resident a few blocks from the office of Alban. His name: Gary Albin.

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MANUAL MEMORIES: Founded 88 years ago, Manual Arts High has plenty of history, and some of it will be celebrated over the next month. Alumnus Deke Houlgate notes that a reunion of the class of 1948 is set for Sept. 26 (information: call Gloria Gries Blackwell at 562-630-4593). And, on Oct. 8, alumnus John Hall, the former Times sports columnist, will emcee a reunion of Manual Arts athletes, including football star Jon Arnett, at Stevens’ Steak House in the City of Commerce.

Houlgate said that Hall drew notoriety at Manual Arts when he was sanctioned for publishing horse-racing tips in the school newspaper. “That wasn’t me,” Hall insisted. “I was student body president. I wasn’t a sportswriter then--I was a human being.” Added Hall: “Later I changed.”

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AN OSCAR WHO DESERVED AN EMMY: KCOP (Channel 13) will celebrate its 50th anniversary with an 8 p.m. special on Friday, and I hope there is some good footage of Oscar Levant, the eccentric talk-show host of the 1950s.

As recounted in the biography by Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger, Levant--a concert pianist and film star--loved to target celebrities with his acerbic wit on the live show. Some (printable) examples:

* “ ‘The The Jerry Lewis (TV) Show’ has all the suspense of a Hitchcock thriller--the suspense of wondering when the first laugh will come.”

* “Perry Como’s voice actually comes out of his eyelids.”

* “John Wayne? He’s too subtle for me.”

Off-camera, Levant’s humor was just as barbed. As his health declined, he once tried this pick-up line on a young actress: “Let’s go to your apartment. We’ll have an affair, I’ll die of a heart attack and you’ll get a lot of publicity.”

miscelLAny:

At an invention expo in Pasadena, a couple from the Netherlands unveiled a flying car--yes, it had wings. Asked by a KNX reporter whether you could take to the skies if you found yourself in a traffic jam on the freeway, the inventors said no, not exactly. What you’d have to do, they explained, is get off at the next offramp and drive to a nearby airport for the takeoff. LAX, perhaps? Cancel my order.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.