Senior-Center Seder Fosters Family Joy Among Friends

When Passover, the quintessential family-oriented Jewish holiday, began at sundown Wednesday around the world, the celebrants included some people who no longer have homes of their own but have created their own family.

More than 150 seniors in Mission Viejo shared the bitter herbs, matzo and other ritual foods in a Seder tailored to their situation.

“I feel that this is my family now,” said Charlotte Kriloff, 83, glancing across the sea of familiar faces at Heritage Pointe Jewish home for the aging.

After growing up in an Orthodox home where Passover Seders were huge family events attended by a room full of aunts, uncles and cousins, Kriloff now is a widow whose three grown children live out of state. “I’m here with my friends,” she said of her second Seder since moving to the retirement home last year.

Heritage Pointe has been conducting Seders for years as part of its mission, its operations director said. “This is one of the major Jewish holidays,” Adam Barde said, “and most of our residents have been doing it all of their lives. For 95% of these people it was in their homes with their families, and one of our goals is to provide a family environment.”

All the traditional trappings were there Wednesday as the celebrants recounted the tale of how Moses led the Jews out of slavery in Egypt to the land of milk and honey.

But there were also a few nods to the special celebrants and some visiting family members. A song about the afikoman, the hidden piece of matzo customarily sought by children, was sung to the tune of “Bicycle Built for Two.” And a service that often goes on for hours was cut to a brisk 45 minutes.

“It’s a more relaxed atmosphere,” said Irving Green, the retired cantor who, at age 74, has been conducting the service for seven years.

While many said they appreciated the effort, some couldn’t help but be sad. Isabel Gilbert, 88, spent most of the evening waiting anxiously by the door for her son and his family, who had called while on the way from Santa Ana to report that they were stuck in traffic. “I’m disappointed,” she said. “It makes me very sad.”

And Kitty Weingart, 84, got tears in her eyes recalling that this was the first Seder without her husband of 56 years, who died six months ago. “My heart is very heavy,” she said. “This is nice but not the same--I see him everywhere.”

Still, the participants seemed to bask in the warmth of good company and cheer.

“I love this,” 90-year-old Jean Williams said. At home, she said, “frankly, there were always a million kids running around crawling under the table and bothering you. This is much better.”

Even for those saddened by loss, the evening seemed to turn out well. Isabel Gilbert’s family finally showed up, much to her delight and relief. And, ultimately, the recently widowed Kitty Weingart said, there’s no place she’d rather be than right where she was on this very special night. “If I have to be anywhere at this point in my life,” she said, “this is the best place for me. At least I’m not alone.”