Dumb, Dumber, Dumbfounded

Barry Jackson writing in last Sunday’s Miami Herald: “Most hilarious play of the week? Had to be Warrior forward Chris Mills getting confused after a jump ball and attempting a shot at the wrong basket.

“Just as bad: Maverick forward Samaki Walker fouled him.

“ ‘I call it dumb and dumber,’ Dallas Coach Don Nelson said. ‘You get somebody dumb enough to shoot it in the wrong basket, and another guy dumb enough to foul him.’

“ ‘If it didn’t hurt so much, it would be funny.’ ”

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Trivia time: Who was the first quarterback taken as the No. 1 overall pick in the NFL draft?

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Say it isn’t so: In his book, “Pay Up and Play the Game”, Wray Vamplew writes that cricket star William Lambert was barred from Lord’s cricket ground, the sports’ Yankee Stadium, for throwing a match in 1817.

The phrase, “it’s not cricket came into use about 1870, although the sport actually has a long history of cheating and sharp practice.”

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Brotherly love: Phil Rogers in the Chicago Tribune: “During the Phillies’ home opener, kids from two rival high schools traded punches in the upper-deck bleachers.

“The fight lasted almost 15 minutes and was watched by everyone in the stadium, including the players.

“ ‘True Philadelphia,’ pitcher Curt Schilling said. ‘Makes a city proud.’ ”

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Only one idiot: The Philadelphia Flyers are in the NHL playoffs and Bill Lyon of the Inquirer recalls some zanier days:

“The Flyers were coached by Fred Shero, the undecipherable Fog, who admitted that one of his favorite tactics when he could see his goalie was laboring was to reach into his pocket and fling a handful of coins on the ice and then shout to the referee in great alarm:

“ ‘Stop the game! Stop the game! Some idiots are throwing stuff on the ice.’ ”

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Invitation: Bud Geracie in the San Jose Mercury News: “Michael Jordan, Joltin’ Joe, the Great Gretzky; does everybody have to leave at once?

“Rodman, you go ahead.”

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Modesty: Atlanta Brave pitcher Tom Glavine, on what his nickname should be when facing Randy Johnson, the “Big Unit”: “Um, the Little Twerp?”

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Trivia answer: Notre Dame’s Angelo Bertelli in 1944.

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And finally: Alexi Lalas, Kansas City Wizard defender, after Major League Soccer announced it had expanded its drug testing to include performance enhancing substances:

“Random testing isn’t so random when you’re a long-haired freak.”