LAUGH LINES

Dead Serious: Former members of the Grateful Dead performed at a fund-raiser for Al Gore’s presidential campaign. “How eerie is this: When asked how they came up with their name, the band said Gore was the inspiration.” (Andrew Wisot)

No Monkey Business: The Supreme Court refused to get involved in a lawsuit involving chimps. “It makes sense. First you’re dealing with chimps, then with gorillas. Next thing you know, it’s a kangaroo court.” (Daily Scoop)

Judgment Night: Tickets for Barbra Streisand’s New Year’s Eve concert in Las Vegas could run as high as $500,000. “Here’s the real nightmare: paying the money only to have the world end halfway through the show.” (Daily Scoop)

Tough Going: A new study says women are more likely than men to survive desperate times. “Most will be happy just to make it through the NBA playoffs.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Fill ‘er Up: Gas prices are still very high in California. “In fact, the only place left that gives you plenty of gas for your money is Taco Bell.” (Wisot)

Helping Hands: The California Legislature is currently debating assisted suicide. “I say they should go for it. The fewer politicians, the better.” (Daily Scoop)

A Royal Pain: Prince William is recovering from surgery on his left index finger after breaking it while playing rugby. “Apparently, it was the first time he actually had to lift a finger.” (Wisot).

Time Marches On: Tickets are selling for $150 each for the 30th anniversary of Woodstock. “Ticket prices have to be so high to cover the costs of walkers and full-time nursing care for the original Woodstock acts.” (Johnny Robish)

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