LAUGH LINES

Still on the Campaign Trail: Dan Quayle will stay in the presidential race despite getting only 4% of the Iowa Straw Poll vote. “For any other candidate, this would spell defeat. But any other candidate can spell defeat.” (Argus Hamilton)

No Longer on the Campaign Trail: After seeing the straw poll results, Lamar Alexander bowed out of the race. “But he’s still on Boris Yeltsin’s short list for the next Russian prime minister.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Logging On: America Online has signed an alliance with Drkoop.com, the health-care Web site. “With Drkoop.com’s health-care information combined with AOL’s lack of customer service, this could be the world’s first Internet-based HMO.” (Wally Wang)

Curveball: Chuck Finley struck out four batters in an inning for the second time in his career, putting himself in the record books. “. . . As an Angel pitcher who actually won a game.” (Gary Easley)

Curveball II: Computer animation is bringing Marlene Dietrich back to life. “Now if they could only do that with the Dodgers.” (Gary Greenfield)

Can the Middle Eastern Furby Be Far Behind?: There is now an Arab Barbie doll. “I understand the Malibu mosque is sold separately.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Got a joke? Send to Laugh Lines: fax, (213) 237-0732; mail, Southern California Living, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053.