LAUGH LINES

Heading for the Campaign Trail: The Clintons have gone house hunting in New York. “But they’ve gone about it in an unusual way. Hillary had the real estate agent put a lock box on her husband.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Changing Channels: “NYPD Blue” star Dennis Franz reportedly lost 30 pounds. “That’s the most weight lost on the show since all 150 pounds of David Caruso vanished into thin air.” (Alex Kaseberg)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Common responses to the question “Who wants to be a millionaire?”:

8. “Sweet screamin’ monkeys, that’s a stupid question.”

7. “No, thanks. I think I’ll just keep working here at Radio Shack.”

6. “What part of Regis Philbin would I have to touch?”

5. “Not me. I’m Bill Gates, and that would be a colossal step backward.”

4. “Who do I have to kill?”

3. “Only if I can get it all in nickels.”

2. “Since I’m the Dalai Lama, I am not interested in worldly riches. . . . Ah, screw it, where’s the cash?”

1. “How many dumb magazines do I have to subscribe to?”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.