Well, It Beats Pumping Up the Footballs

George Perles, the former Michigan State football coach who was replaced by Nick Saban, understands why Saban recently left East Lansing for Louisiana State and a more lucrative contract.

“Remember, all us coaches, we’re all phys-ed majors,” he told Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press. “There’s a lot of people who can do what we do, and we know it, so it makes us insecure.

“When you get an opportunity, you take it.”

Wonder what Florida’s Steve Spurrier would say if you told him he was a phys-ed coach?

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Trivia time: Who holds the NBA record for three-point field goals made in a game?

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Get another one: The Gorilla, the Phoenix Suns’ mascot, is out until February because of a dislocated ankle. Michael Ventre of MSNBC asks: “Can’t they just dress up some other guy in a gorilla suit, trot him out there and say he’s the Gorilla?

“Are they really worried about comments like, ‘Say, Marge, is it just me, or is the Gorilla acting different tonight?’ ”

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Want to be a coach? Gary Barnett is still beating himself up over Colorado’s missed field goal in the final seconds of regulation play against Nebraska last week. The Buffaloes went on to lose in overtime.

Said Barnett, “I’ve replayed that kick a hundred times, a thousand times, maybe a million times and I haven’t slept for three nights.”

Does the kicker still have a scholarship?

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Hoops, anyone? Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome: “Paying attention to basketball before Groundhog Day is as pointless as flossing before the roast beef.”

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Sure they are: The Australian national women’s soccer team has put out a calendar of its players in the nude.

Said Women’s Soccer Assn. Chief Executive Warren Fisher, “The reason the calendar is generating such amazing interest is that . . . the 12 players are expressing themselves individually.”

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Something in common: Peter Vecsey in the New York Post: “Wilt and Shaq will be forever linked. One had 20,000 Ms.’s, the other will have 20,000 misses.”

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Denying reality: Seattle’s Vin Baker after the Lakers blew out the SuperSonics on Tuesday, 101-77: “We’re better than we played. We were horrible. This team can’t beat us by 30 points. We can beat this team on any night.”

Ah, Vin, but when?

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More Lakers: Seattle center Horace Grant, who played on championship teams for Phil Jackson in Chicago:

“With Phil being the Zen master he is, he could sell swampland in Alaska,” Grant told the Tacoma News Tribune. “If anyone can convince Michael Jordan to run the triangle offense, or can contain Dennis Rodman’s personality, he can handle the situation in L.A.”

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Stubborn? In Earl Gustkey’s Countdown to 2000 in Thursday’s Times, he recalled USC’s Anthony Davis scoring six touchdowns against Notre Dame in a 1972 game at the Coliseum, two on kickoff returns.

He got his second of those at the start of the second half. After the game, Irish Coach Ara Parseghian was asked why he’d chosen to kick off to Davis instead of kicking away from him.

Parseghian replied dourly, “We at Notre Dame have pride in our special teams.”

Pride goeth before destruction. . . .

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Trivia answer: Dennis Scott of Orlando, 11, against Atlanta on April 18, 1996.

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And finally: Aaron Baddeley, 18, the Australian Open winner, on why he turned down about about 20 offers for golf scholarships: “I’d have to study if I went to college.”