Ramadan, Season of Restraint

There are the little things . . . the holiday potlucks at work that she will miss; the Christmas cookies in class that her son must refuse; the school crafts and concerts that honor December’s Jewish and Christian traditions but ignore the holiday her family holds dear.

But those are small sacrifices that pale in the glow of the white lights that adorn the Chino Hills home of Mahmoud and Aida Morad--decorations that symbolize not the merriment of Christmas or Hanukkah, but the gravity of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, with its focus on spirituality and self-restraint.

It is hard to imagine a greater clash of values than the forced asceticism of Ramadan and the excessive consumption of the Christmas season.

We sometimes seem bent on turning this holiday season into one of wretched excess--eating too much, spending too much, going to obscene lengths to make sure our children are not left without the most popular toys . . . then wondering why it is not joy we feel as our mailbox fills with catalogs and we are left juggling our credit card bills.

For Muslims, Ramadan is not merely a holiday, but an opportunity to gain by giving up, to prosper by going without, to grow stronger by enduring weakness.

And if self-restraint is particularly difficult against the backdrop of holiday cheer that this season brings . . . well, that can be a blessing too.

What better way to practice discipline, Aida Morad says, than to face temptation everywhere you turn.

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For one month, beginning Thursday, Muslims are expected to abstain from food, drink and sensual pleasures from sunrise to sunset, and to focus instead on charity, obedience to God and self-discipline.

The month of Ramadan marks the revelation of Islam’s holy book, the Koran, to the prophet Muhammad. It is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, and because it corresponds to the sighting of the new moon, the period of Ramadan changes each year.

This year, Ramadan overlaps both the Christian Christmas season and the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah.

That makes celebration easier in some ways, Morad says. The upcoming school vacation gives families a chance to be together. The days are short, so fasting is not as onerous as it is when Ramadan falls during the summer. And children who fast (some begin as young as 6, although it is not required until puberty) have to do less explaining to classmates.

But it can be a challenge, as well, to keep children focused on sacrifice in the midst of plenty--when they are bombarded by TV commercials and their friends all seem to be playing with Hanukkah gifts or dreaming about what toys Santa might bring.

“It’s really hard when you’re trying to teach your kids certain values and you see the total opposite happening all around you,” says Morad, who has three sons--Hassen, 12, Kareem, 9, and Tarek, 7.

“Kids can’t help but compare, so they can’t help but feel deprived or that their parents are too strict.”

Still, she says, her children understand the value and beauty of Ramadan.

“We tell them it’s not a holiday where you wake up one morning and you have gifts. But you have gifts the entire month . . . the gift of learning about restraint and self-control, lessons that will last your whole life.

“We pray together, we study [the Koran] together . . . we come away from this month much closer as a family. And that’s a gift in itself.”

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More than 1 billion Muslims around the world will take part in the monthlong fast during Ramadan. Almost 10 million Muslims live in this country; 700,000 in Southern California. Fueled by immigration and conversion, particularly among black Americans, Islam is expected to surpass Judaism soon as America’s largest non-Christian faith.

Still, their faith is often misunderstood here, some Muslims say--associated more with acts of terrorism than with the piety and charity the faith proclaims.

And it is easy, says Morad, to feel “invisible” at this time of year, as Ramadan jostles for space among the Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa celebrations that dominate our country’s cultural tableau.

But as I struggle to make time for church this season, amid endless rounds of parties and Christmas shopping, I wonder if it might not be a blessing to have to focus--really focus--on the spirit of your faith, to make sure it does not get lost amid the tinsel and dreidels and Christmas cookies.

Sandy Banks’ column is published on Sundays and Tuesdays. Her e-mail address is sandy.bankslatimes.com.